


Crawling Back to You

by thegaywardens



Series: Sight of the Sun [1]
Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel 616, Young Avengers
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, F/M, Forgiveness, Genderfluid Loki, M/M, Multi, Pining, Polyamory, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-07 11:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3173128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegaywardens/pseuds/thegaywardens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki had truly intended to stay out of their lives forever. And then Teddy leans down to give Billy a quick kiss on the cheek, lips lingering ever so briefly on Billy's skin, before turning back to Loki with a smile on his face. That's the exact moment when Loki decides that not giving in to temptation is too difficult, and fuck it, if these beautiful creatures are so interested in keeping him in their lives then they can have him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is long overdue and I've been planning it for nearly a year. Motivating myself to write was the hard part. I'm planning on a series for these three consisting of at least three major fics such as this one, and various shorter stories like the one I've already uploaded.
> 
> I hope to update this regularly. I'm not sure how long it will be, but I have most of a rough draft complete. Count on a lot of awkwardness and pining and cuteness for this first fic because it's gonna get dark in the second one. :)
> 
> I plan on touching some fairly heavy stuff in this series, but I will always use trigger and content warnings.

Loki had truly intended to stay out of their lives forever. As rare as honesty is for him, there was no lie when he said he cared greatly for them, and when he said he truly intended to keep them safe - specifically from himself. But temptation is hard to resist when it's staring you right in the face, and Billy had always tempted Loki in the worst ways.

"Loki?" Temptation says, sitting across the table from him.

Loki sinks further into his seat, as if it would swallow him and hide him from the boy before him. It doesn't, and so Loki must face him.

Of all the cafes in New York City, Billy had to choose to show up at the one Loki favorites. It's a small place, and only a few blocks from Loki's apartment, easily a ten minute walk if he was in a hurry, which he usually wasn't. Loki tips well, and knows the staff. They always know what to bring him when he sits down depending on the time of day. On mornings like now: coffee (black, too much sugar), a plate of sunny side up eggs, two blueberry pancakes, sourdough toast, and two servings of bacon. Loki doesn't _have_ to eat so much, but he _can_ and he _does_.

Loki spends almost as much time here as he does in his own apartment. The free wifi is nice and the atmosphere is welcoming and peaceful. He briefly considers that he might have to find a new place now that he's been found out, but pushes the thought away. He will not be bullied into giving this place up. Besides, the All-Mother doesn't know about it.

"That's my name." Loki says, straightening, feeling betrayed by the seat cushion that refused to hide him.

Billy gives him A Look.

Loki takes a moment to look over the boy. He looks older somehow - though it's barely been two months since he's seen him - and definitely healthier. That's good. He's probably better off now that Loki's no longer a regular part of his life. His hair is still combed over his forehead in an adorable flop and he's wearing a T-Shirt with the Avengers logo on it. Loki thinks this is tacky, considering Billy himself is an Avenger, but he stows a snide comment away for future use.

"You look good." Loki makes it impossible to miss the flirtatious tone in his voice. Maybe the unwanted lechery will make Billy go away. Besides, it's hardly a lie. Billy does look good.

"Ugh." Billy groans, but shows no desire to leave. "Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome, I guess."

Billy frowns and studies the trickster for a moment. "How are you, Loki? Where have you been? We haven't seen you in months."

Loki shrugs, flinching at the way Billy says _we_. "I've been around - ask the Avengers about that - and it hasn't been _that_ long."

"You just disappeared! You didn't even say goodbye."

He doesn't mask the shock on his face. "You sounds like you're upset about that."

"Uh, kinda? Why wouldn't I be? You just bailed on us. You didn't even say goodbye!"

"It's for the best. Didn't they tell you why we were in that mess in the first place?"

Billy's look sours. "Yeah, yeah they did. I'm not telling you I'm not pissed at you for it, or that I trust you. But it was fucked up to just leave like that."

Loki opens his mouth but he's interrupted by a large figure at the side of the table. "Billy, I got - _Loki?_ "

Loki doesn't need to look up, he knows who it is immediately. "Hello Teddy."

Billy scoots farther down the bench and Teddy slides in next to him.

 _Fantastic,_ Loki thinks, _I've been ambushed._

Loki stops Teddy just as he's opening his mouth to talk, "I don't need you yelling at me too, Billy's already given me the third degree."

Teddy's eyes fixate on Loki for a minute, and Loki's meet them. Loki hadn't expected Teddy's stare to be so intense, but he stares right back as if challenging each other.

Teddy is the first to relent when his look softens and he asks, "So what have you been up to, oh god of mischief?"

Loki shrugs. "I live a life full of espionage, sex, and money. You know, nothing too exciting." He doesn't mention that his missions for the All Mother have been few and far between, that he hasn't been laid in weeks, or that he spends a large percent of his money in this very cafe.

Billy raises his eyebrows, caught between questioning how true Loki's statement is and wanting to ask for more details.

"I've been doing missions for the All Mother." Loki explains, to ease the boys' curiosity. "Trying to redeem myself and all. You know the drill." He takes a long sip of his coffee.

"And how's that going for you?" Teddy asks.

Loki thinks it over for a moment before saying, "I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know."

It's the most honest thing he's said all morning, and Billy and Teddy pick up on it. They have grown somewhat wise to Loki's words.

"Are you serious about that? Redemption?"

"Asking the hard questions already. I'm as serious about it as I am about breakfast meats." Loki winks, shoving a bit of bacon into his mouth for emphasis.

He makes the mistake of letting his eyes linger over Teddy. He's as big as ever. Taller than Loki and even taller than Billy. His hair is the perfect tint of gold and the vest he's wearing shows off his muscular arms. Loki almost has to remind himself not to drool.

The pair look almost divine sitting next to each other on the run down bench, hair mussed and faces ruddy. They may have been carved for each other.

Loki's not sure who he's more jealous of.

And then Teddy leans down to give Billy a quick kiss on the cheek, lips lingering ever so briefly on Billy's skin, before turning back to Loki with a smile on his face. That's the exact moment when Loki decides that not giving in to temptation is too difficult, and fuck it, if these beautiful creatures are so interested in keeping him in their lives then they can have him.

Loki has so many questions. How's the team? What has David been up to? Is America going to show up out of nowhere and beat the shit out of him? Have they recovered from the awful things he'd put them through? Why are they so interested in talking to him after everything that he'd done?

He settles for, "And what have you two love birds been up to?" feigning disgust at their public displays of affection.

The boys exchange quick glances at each other and Loki can tell they don't believe he's genuinely interested.

Teddy shrugs. "The team's been taking a bit of a break, again, but we see everyone pretty regularly and we've been working with the Avengers more. Oh, and we're finally moving out of Billy's parents'."

Billy shifts uncomfortably.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Loki asks, "I wouldn't want to live with my parents either."

"Yeah, yeah, it's good." Billy says. "Won't have to put up with my little brothers anymore."

Loki knows that's all he's going to get out of Billy about it. "Well, congrats. I know a thing or two about annoying brothers."

Billy snorts. "But do you know about little brothers?"

"For all his immaturity, Thor might as well be my little brother." He retorts, but doesn't hide the fondness in his voice.

"At least there aren't two of him."

Loki's eyes widen and his face twists into a look of horror and they both laugh. "You've got me there."

"So when are you moving out?" He asks, ducking his head and shoveling a forkful of pancake into his mouth.

"Next week. Teddy's going to be working and going to school part time."

"And you?"

Billy shrugs, "Still looking for a job. My parents are helping us out a bit for a while."

The kid is upset about something, and Loki has to bite his tongue to avoid further questioning. "Do you need any help? Moving in, I mean."

"Why, are you offering?"

"Maybe. I don't have much else to do." Loki says, a small lie. There is plenty he _c_ _ould_ be doing, but he wants nothing more now than to selfishly worm his way back into the lives of these boys. He's not entirely sure what he expects to get out of it.

"Maybe?"

"Yes." Loki sighs dramatically, "Yes, I am offering. That is what I was getting at."

Billy looks at Teddy who shrugs. "Sure. I guess we're not gonna turn down help."

"How very prudent of you." Loki says, earning another eyeroll, from the both of them. He shovels another bite of pancakes into his mouth, and a breaks off a piece of bacon after that. They wait awkwardly. When he swallows he says, "Hey, I did come here to eat, you know. Not to run into you dorks."

"We were hardly expecting to run into you either."

"Everything went better than expected." Loki says. Billy snorts.

What puzzles Loki is that, despite the jokes and general faux hostility, the two boys actually seem genuinely happy to see him. Probably bad for them, and maybe good for him. He grins at them.

"Have you already started moving in? When do you need my help?"

"We don't _need_ your help, Loki." Billy says.

"We're already packed up, but tomorrow's the big day." Teddy says. "If you could help, that would be great. We didn't really ask anyone else... although I guess we probably should have. We're having a housewarming party in a week or two, if you want to come to that. Everyone will be there."

Billy shifts uncomfortably again and Teddy looks at him. "Oh should I have... not?" He frowns.

Loki laughs. "I'm sure I'd love to see everyone again, probably get beat up by America, yelled at by everyone else. Sounds fun." He says dryly.

"No... no, inviting him was fine, I just wish you had asked me first," Billy mumbles to his boyfriend as if Loki were not sitting right there. To Loki he says,

"Oh come on, you're acting like we hate you. You were with us for months, Loki. I'm sure everyone would be... relatively happy to see you."  
Loki smirks. "That's what I thought."

He wonders about them a lot, but he also wonders if seeing them again is even a remotely good idea. Likely not. It would be nice to see David again though... and Kate and Noh-Varr. Hell, he'd even like to see America again, as much as she scares him. He can consider it later. One step at a time.  
"If the invitation is serious, I'll think about it." He finishes the last bite of pancakes and the last strip of bacon.

"It is serious." Billy says, "We'd be happy to have you, if you behave."

Loki gives him an incredulous look but says nothing more about it. He looks over the bill the waitress had left him earlier before calling her over.

Loki knows the staff here pretty well, having frequented the place for months. The girl that's been serving him today is new, he'd only met her a few days ago. It's her first job, that much had been apparent to Loki even before talking with her. Her family is friends with the woman that owns the cafe, so getting a job had been easy. Loki'd talked with her at length the day before. She had just finished up high school and didn't know what to do for college. Loki doesn't really understand the education system here, it all seems like too much, but he had listened to her complaints.

She also turns the most adorable shade of red when he flirts with her.

"Irene, can you add whatever these two ordered to my bill, please?" Loki asks with a smile that she happily returns.

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Thanks," Loki says, handing her the bill she'd brought earlier.

He looks back at Billy and Teddy who are staring at him incredulously.

"What?" He asks, feigning offense, "I can be nice sometimes." He shrugs.

"You didn't have to do that." Teddy says.

"Do I have to do anything?"

"Where do you even get money?" Billy asks before saying, "Wait, never mind. I don't think I want to know."

"I already told you I'm working for the All-Mother."

"And she pays you in American money?"

"Well, no."

Billy shakes his head. "Then I still don't want to know."

"Fair enough." Loki really doesn't have an abundance of money, but it's not hard to acquire when he does need it.

After Billy and Teddy order their food, Irene brings Loki their bill, which he pays in cash, ignoring disapproving looks from the other two.

"Thanks." Teddy says when Loki hands the bill and the money to the waitress.

"I should go," Loki says, suddenly feeling very much like being somewhere else.

"Okay, Commander." Teddy mutters.

Loki ignores him. "You still have my number?"

Billy nods.

"Alright, then text me the address to meet you at tomorrow and a time. And I guess I'll... see you then." Loki feels himself flush as he looks over the two boys. He tell himself he doesn't know why and he looks away and covers the redness with a minor glamour. He pulls himself out of his seat and gives them a small wave before walking towards the door. Irene smiles at him as he passes and he tells her to have a good day.

As he's pushing open the door to leave he overhears Billy saying, "Well, that was weird."

The door closes behind Loki and he grins, glancing back at the two boys through the cafe window. Oh what is he getting himself into? Or rather, what is he getting _them_ into? He _almost_ feels bad. But then again, he is far too selfish for that.


	2. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: Loki takes a sad shower and gets in a fight with Ikea furniture.

Loki is a night person. Loki is also a morning person. Mostly, Loki just hates being asleep. He goes to bed late and is usually up by seven or eight without having to set an alarm. Nightmares wake him up earlier, sometimes, but he rarely gets any more than five hours of sleep. Asgardians don't need so much sleep the way humans do. Even so, Loki doesn't get enough.

He yawns and turns onto his side, stretching. The sun is just beginning to peek into the room through the curtains and makes Loki's vision briefly hazy as he blinks his eyes open.

He sits up, having fallen asleep on the couch the previous night, as he usually does. He groans and fumbles around for his phone, which he eventually finds lodged between the cushions under his ass.

He looks at the clock on his phone and it's nearly eight. He rubs his eyes, feeling a bit drowsy, the weight of sleep still hanging over him.

Billy had texted him the day before asking him to be over at noon to help him and Teddy move, which gives Loki plenty of time to kill.

He drags himself off the couch and makes his way into the kitchen to turn on the coffee maker. Since spending more time on Midgard, Loki has developed a love for the drink. He's always had a fondness for tea, but Midgard does coffee better than tea. He does have a collection of teas from different places across the universe buried somewhere in his kitchen, but he doesn't like to waste it.

Caffeine doesn't do much for him, but coffee is warm and makes his apartment smell lovely.

While the coffee maker sputters to life, Loki crosses his apartment to the bathroom. He takes a few moments to stare at his reflection in the mirror and rub his eyes.

The bathroom is too small and it's by far the messiest part of the apartment. The counter with the sink takes up almost an entire wall, with the bathtub and shower opposite it, and the toilet seemingly crammed into one corner. On the counter is a growing collection of makeup that Loki hasn't had much chance to use yet and an assortment of hair care products.

Loki pulls off the sweater he'd fallen asleep in and steps out of his jeans, reaching to turn on the shower. He lets it heat up before stepping in and letting the hot water cascade down his skin.

He feels a knot of excitement and, is that anxiety? These days Loki spends little time with anyone else, other than a few select occasions with the family.

Billy and Teddy bring out the worst in Loki... or the best, he hasn't quite decided yet. Seeing them at the diner had brought back a lot of buried feelings, and spending a day with them might be difficult.

It really shouldn't be. Not for this reason, anyway.

They infuriate him, honestly. That they would be willing to give him another chance after all he had put them through. It's likely that letting him in will only give Loki the opportunity to hurt them even more. Surely they are aware of that possibility, and that puzzles Loki even more.

He used to take advantage of people like this, had always seen such kindness as a flaw. But now it's just making him want them even more.

Loki wonders what exactly it is he wants from them as he squeezes way too much shampoo onto his palm and lathers it into his hair.

They're attractive... that much is something Loki has always felt, but he knows that would never lead anywhere, so he's never bothered to pursue it.

Friendship is a good place to start, Loki decides. He has so precious few of those.

Perhaps he shouldn't have shut out the ones he did have.

He thinks on it no more, confused by the pain that seeps into him when he does. He hums quietly to himself as he rinses the shampoo out of his hair and repeats with conditioner.

When he finishes and steps out of the shower, he dries off his hair and wraps a towel around his waist. He goes back into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. He weighs over his options - go out for breakfast or stay home and make his own. He decides on the latter.

He pours cream and sugar into his mug before turning on the stove and cracking some eggs into a skillet. Loki's recently discovered a fondness for cooking and baking and loves to experiment with it, but sometimes simple eggs and bacon are the best thing in the world.

He eats breakfast in front of his laptop and spends the rest of the morning on Netflix, finishing the marathon of Dance Moms that he’d started the night before.

A few hours later he leaves the apartment practically seething and voice a bit hoarse from yelling his screen. Glorified child abuse is apparently entertainment on Midgard.

It takes about twenty minutes to reach the apartment building, and Loki's not entirely sure how he feels about Billy and Teddy living within walking distance.

He doesn't see either of them anywhere outside and the door is locked so he shoots Teddy a text letting him know that he's there. He waits by a truck full of boxes that's parked right outside the back door, presuming it to be theirs.

The two of them emerge from the building a few minutes later.

"Thanks for coming." Billy says, approaching Loki. And then he does the unthinkable. He hugs Loki, wrapping his arms tightly, if briefly, around the god. Loki doesn't have time to return the gesture before Billy has pulled away and is getting to work with the boxes. Loki watches him, almost mesmerized, until he hears Teddy clear his throat and flushes, realizing that he had been staring.

Teddy gives him an odd look before smiling at him. "Yeah, thanks, Loki." He says, glancing at Billy. "We're just trying to get all these boxes inside first, if you want to help with that."

"I can do that." Loki says, mentally kicking himself.

Among the three of them it takes only four trips and about twenty minutes to get everything inside - it helps that two of them have super strength and that their apartment is only on the second floor.

When they've finished, Teddy goes downstairs to park the truck properly and lock it up, leaving the other two in the apartment. Loki gets a good look at it for the first time, although it's hard to judge how it will look once everything has been unpacked.

From the doorway there is a small hallway leading into the living room. Between the front door and the living room is a small kitchen, with a bar so that one can see it from the living room. On the end of the living room opposite the door is a large window with a decent view of the city and the street below. The living room is big, though it might seem much smaller once it has actually been furnished - the only furniture already here and put together is a table beneath the window, with four chairs around it, a couch, and a TV stand.

There is another short hallway on the right which, after a quick peak, Loki sees leads the bedroom where they've already placed a mattress - about half the size of the living room, and a bathroom. It's somehow bigger than his own, although he thinks his is much nicer.

He goes back into the living room to find Billy sitting by the table, which is covered in boxes and other loose items, leaning his head against the window, eyes closed.

"Tired?" Loki asks, causing Billy to jump in surprise.

He yawns, "Yeah well, carrying a bunch of really heavy boxes up and down stairs can do that to someone who doesn't have super strength."

"I don't have super strength," Loki says, sitting at the table across from Billy, pushing a few boxes away so he can look at him. "My strength is perfectly normal by Asgardian standards."

Billy rolls his eyes, "You know what I mean."

"You probably like having a boyfriend with actual super strength anyway." Loki says, smirking.

Billy blushes, folding his arms on the table and burying his face in them. Loki watches him intently, smiling.

"That's none of your business." He mumbles into his sweater.

Getting Billy flustered had been Loki's intent, but now it's backfired and he's thinking about Teddy's muscles. As Loki recalls, Teddy is even stronger than himself. He bites his lip, putting his elbow on the table so he can rest his chin in his palm and watch Billy across the table.

He thinks maybe he should stop staring at Billy so often, but he makes no effort to stop. He _does_ try not to think about Billy being turned on by strength. It doesn't work.

The silence quickly becomes awkward and Loki is glad when he hears Teddy coming in, he turns his head to look out the window so it isn't apparent that he had been staring at his boyfriend.

"Okay," Teddy says, dropping his keys on the table by Loki, which makes Billy jump again, "We might want to get to work putting together the furniture before we start unboxing things, yeah?"

"Putting together... the furniture?" Loki asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, we got most of it from Ikea."

"The fuck is an Ikea?" Loki asks.

Billy snorts into his arm.

Teddy sits down adjacent to the god. "A lot of furniture - cheaper furniture and not just stuff from Ikea - has to be assembled at home, or you can pay for other people to do it but we didn't want to spend the money on that." He shrugs, "It's more affordable and it lasts long enough."

"What the fuck?" Loki drags his hands down his face, "I didn't sign up for this."

"You offered to help us move in."

"I didn't offer to help you assemble cheap furniture."

"You don't _have_  to." Billy mumbles, "We were going to do it all alone anyway."

Loki sighs, "It's fine. I'll help."

* * *

 

If it weren't for the company, Loki would have ended up regretting the decision to stay very much. Hours later, they're all sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, bits and pieces of wood and screws and fuck if Loki knows what all this shit is, scattered around them. He's trying to decipher the instructions while Billy and Teddy try to find the pieces they need.

Loki glances over the remaining parts of what is supposedly a half finished book shelf. They had already finished a few smaller pieces of furniture, but the end tables and dresser had been far easier than this. "Why do Midgardians do this to themselves?" He asks, it's a genuine question.

"Because it's cheap." Billy says, searching the floor for a small screw he had dropped.

"Cheap isn't better." Loki grumbles, looking back down at the instructions.

Billy finally finds the screw, it had rolled past Loki and is sitting behind him on the hardwood floor.

Instead of asking Loki to hand it to him, Billy reaches over Loki to grab it, but loses his balance, toppling over and falling partially into Loki's lap. Loki flushes and bites his lip, looking down at the boy sprawled over him.

"Fuck." Billy rolls over, embarrassed and wanting to get out of the awkward position, and his back lands on a plank of wood, making a painful sounding thud. "Fuck." He repeats.

Loki stares at him for a moment before he and Teddy burst into laughter.

Billy crosses his arms over his chest and glares at both of them until he starts laughing too. Their laughter echoes through the apartment for a few minutes before they gradually calm down. Loki reaches behind him and takes the tiny screw between his fingers and hands it to Billy. "Is that what you were looking for?"

Billy nods and takes the screw, hand brushing against Loki's, pulling himself upright

"Okay, but owww. That fucking hurt." He rubs his back and drops the little screw in a little cardboard box for safe keeping. "Ikea is dangerous."

"Maybe we should sue them," Teddy suggests, "for causing emotional distress and physical harm. Then maybe we can afford to pay someone to put this all together."

Billy laughs. "For now I think we should pay someone to bring us pizza because I am hungry."

"Seconded." Loki says, realizing that he hasn't eaten since breakfast.

"I could eat." Teddy says, and his stomach growls, "Yeah I could definitely eat."

"Can it have bacon on it?"

"I can't eat bacon, Loki." Billy reminds him.

Loki sighs as dramatically as he possibly can. "Fine, Billy."

"We can just order two pizzas." Teddy says, "I kind of doubt one would be enough for us all anyway. One with bacon, one without."

"Aww, you'd do that for me?" Loki presses a hand to his heart and smiles.

"No, I wouldn't. I like bacon too."

"Oh." Loki frowns. "I see how it is."

Teddy rolls his eyes but the smile he gives Loki is warm. Loki finds sudden interest in the wooden floor.

Teddy rises to his feet and fishes out his phone to call for pizza, walking into the other room.

"Sorry I fell on you." Billy mutters when Teddy is gone.

"I'm not." Loki says, winking at the boy, who immediately regrets his apology.

"You Avengers aren't very good at _assembling_ furniture." Loki deadpans.

Billy stares at him for a moment. "Oh my God, Loki. Get. Out." He points at the door.

Loki grins.

"I'm serious, Loki. Get out. I do not need both you and Teddy and your terrible, awful puns."

"You should have thought about that before you invited me over. Bad puns are a part of the ah-" Loki waves a hand over himself, motioning towards his body, "package."

Billy makes an ungodly snorting noise and it sounds like he's dying, Loki almost asks him if he's okay.

"Well, maybe I don't want your package, Loki."

Loki laughs, noticing Teddy who has just appeared in the doorway and is watching them with a raised brow.

"Uh, what's all this about Loki's package?" He asks hesitantly.

Billy breaks down into laughter, curling up on his side until his whole body is shaking from laughing.

Loki grins and laughs, watching Billy, savoring the smile on his face and the sound of his laughter.

"Billy started it." He says defensively.

"I did not! Your terrible pun started it, you're worse than Teddy."

Teddy catches Loki's eye and Loki sighs and repeats the joke for him.

Teddy shakes his head. "That's not even good." But Billy's laughter is contagious and soon enough the three of them are laughing again.

Loki's laughter fades as he watches the other two, Teddy has rejoined Billy on the floor and both of them are flushed from the laughter. Billy's holding his sides and Teddy's hand is on his knee. There's a sinking feeling in Loki's gut and the single smug thought that he made them laugh like this.

Shit. What has he gotten himself into?

By the time the pizza has come and they have finished it, they're all exhausted, Billy most of all. He's almost falling asleep in Teddy's lap. They still haven't assembled all of the furniture, and after looking through the directions again, Loki's pretty sure they fucked up the bookshelf.

"We made a mistake." Billy groans, "Maybe we should have just paid someone to put this shit together."

"I'm over a thousand years old, I've deciphered puzzles and riddles and all kinds of things, but I can't. I can't figure out how to put this shelf together." Loki sighs, crumpling up the paper and throwing it at Teddy. "The shelf has bested me. I admit defeat."

Teddy laughs and throws the wadded up instructions back at Loki. "I think we'll just get it assembled for us. The shelf might be a lost cause, but there are a few other things we can take back and have put together."

"Or you could return them and buy real furniture." Loki retorts, batting the ball of paper away before it hits him, sending it rolling away towards the hall.

"Hey, some of our furniture is nicer. Either way, I think we're done for today." Teddy says, looking around the room. "The rest can wait until tomorrow."

"All we have left to do if we're not putting together this furniture is unboxing and a few more bits of real furniture to pick up from the Kaplans'. Time consuming, but I think we'd rather do that ourselves.

Loki shrugs, "Well, let me know if you end up needing any help. I don't live too far from here, so it should not be a bother. I expect to be paid in pizza, though."

"Oh no that means you can come and bother us now that you know where we live." Billy's voice is muffled by Teddy's thigh, and he slurs his words with drowsiness.

"Billy, I knew where you lived before too."

"Oh yeah."

Loki starts to get up. "Well I guess I'll take my leave, then. Are you two staying here..?"

"We had already moved out mattress into the bedroom before you showed up this afternoon, so yeah we might as well."

Loki looks around the room and shrugs, "I don't know why you would want to stay here, it doesn't seem particularly homely or friendly yet."

"It's ours. We might as well start getting use to it. You're not offering to let us stay with you, are you?"

"No, not unless you want to sleep with me..." He winks, "or on the couch, but both of you wouldn't fit."

Teddy purses his lips and nods, "Yeah, we're not sleeping with you, Loki."

"I thought as much." Loki shrugs. "Suit yourself." He finally pulls himself to his feet, and Teddy does the same to get up and see him to the door, having to coax Billy off of his lap.

At the doorway, Loki turns to say goodbye to his... friends.

"Get some sleep, Billy." He says softly, ruffling the wizard's hair.

Billy bats his hand out of the way, but gives him a short hug, one that Loki is prepared to return this time.

Loki can sense the reluctance when Teddy caves and gives him a quick hug too.

"Yeah um. Okay, good night." He gives them a little wave before opening the door and shuffling out. He goes down the stairs and waits until he is outside in the fresh night air to stop and run his fingers through his hair.

"What the fuck was that, Loki?" He asks himself, groaning.

He walks home, embarrassed at how little he has it together around these boys.

Loki can feel a presence as soon as he pushes the door to his apartment open. He nearly slams the door behind him, irritated with himself and with everything else.

"Fuck off." He mumbles, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it over the couch.

The apartment is dark, lit only by the moonlight from the window and a dim lamp near the sofa. There are piles of books and newspapers by it, on the floor and the coffee table. The room is much larger than the one he had just come from, but that only makes it feel more empty. He imagines once they've settled in, Billy and Teddy's apartment will be far more like a home than his.

Perhaps they simply consider anywhere where the other is to be home.

The kid smirks, he's leaning against the wall by the door, legs crossed. "And leave you all alone again?"

"Preferably." Loki mutters, making his way to the kitchen. "You're not real." He says a little bit louder, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of wine.  
He doesn't bother with a wine glass and just pulls a normal cup from his cupboard, pouring the wine until the glass is almost full.

"You still think I'm just your subconscious, don't you?" The kid says, a note of laughter in his voice. "No such luck there."

Loki fixes the kid with a cold, hard stare. The kid looks right back at him, just as intensely.

"What's the matter?" The kid says finally, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"You're hilarious." Loki says dryly, walking past the kid and into the living room. He sips his wine, wishing he had something stronger. "Just leave me alone. I told you I was sorry."

The kid laughs as he follows Loki into the room. He laughs for at least a minute and Loki can't stomach to look at him anymore.

"Not sorry enough, though." He says finally, "And sorry doesn't bring me back." And then he's gone, and Loki is alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone interested enough in this ship, I set up an [inspo blog](http://transtricksters.tumblr.com/) for them and there's some fic there that won't ever be on ao3.


	3. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's confused, this is a bit of a canon divergent AU. It mostly follows Agent of Asgard canon, and will up until just after Original Sins, and that's where things will start to heavily diverge from canon.
> 
> This chapter and the ones before it take place before Agent of Asgard issue 2.

There are muffled voices on the other side of the apartment door. Loki hovers in front of it, hand curled up in a fist, unable to bring his knuckles against the wood. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and then back. It sounds like a lot of people have gathered to celebrate Billy and Teddy's independence.

Most of the people on the other side are people Loki had history with: some pleasant, most not so much.

He doesn't really want to admit that he's nervous, but his inability to knock betrays him.

Loki thinks he should probably just leave, but before he can turn and run with his tail between his legs, the door is opened from the other side and Billy's smiling face greets him. As if sensing Loki's trepidation, he grabs Loki by the arm and pulls him inside.

The apartment looks great. Loki's not sure how they managed it so quickly, but there's not a box in sight. It already feels like a home.

They've gathered quite a crowd. Loki scans the faces in the living room and picks out the people he knows. America and Kate are standing together in a corner, holding drinks. Beside them is a boy Loki hasn't met. Noh-Varr, David, and Tommy are all seated around the dining table and Teddy is in the kitchen.

There are people Loki doesn't recognize: a middle aged couple with two children who Loki assumes are Billy's family. The mother is sitting on the couch, the kids are chasing each other around it, and the father is standing by the bookshelf.

There's a laugh from the kitchen and Loki glances to see the kid sitting on the counter, palms pressed against the surface and feet dangling off the edge. "Look at all these people you've hurt, manipulated, and betrayed." His voice is playful, but the look he's giving Loki could kill. Loki's eyes narrow at him.

"Thanks for coming." Billy says, pulling Loki back to reality.

Loki turns to look at him and gives him a weak smile. "Oh yes, the party full of people who hate me. How could I resist?"

"They don't hate you, Loki."

"You might not - though I don't understand why - but the look Miss Chavez is giving me is telling me you're wrong.

Billy grins. "At least she's keeping her fists to herself."

"Likely because there are children around."

Billy rolls his eyes. "Oh stop it with the self pity."

"You're one to talk." Loki retorts.

Billy glares coldly at him for a moment before turning around and leaving, abandoning him alone in the small entryway. Loki frowns.

"Smooth." The kid says.

But when he looks, the kid is gone and so Loki strides with faux confidence into the living room. This is the first time he's seen the Young Avengers since he had left without saying goodbye. This is precisely what he had been avoiding. He knew if he let himself in he wouldn't be able to stay away again.

Or, they'd push him away. Which would make everything a whole lot easier.

_They could have been his family._

America's the first whose attention he draws, her eyes daggers, and one by one everyone in the room follows, eyes looking towards him.

Sensing the awkwardness that's seeping into the gathering, Teddy leaves the kitchen and comes up behind Loki, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Um, for those of you who haven't met him, this is Loki. He uh, he helped us with the whole interdimensional parasite thing." He, of course, fails to mention that the entire thing was Loki's fault in the first place, for which Loki is grateful. He wonders just how much of that particular adventure they've shared with others. "He also helped us move in last week."

"Wait, _Loki_ helped you move in?" Tommy snorts.

"Yeah, I'm nice like that." Loki retorts. His eyes meet America's and she looks like it's taking every bit of self restraint in her to not stomp over to him and punch him into the wall.

He respects America. She's a good person. He's never blamed her for the way she treats him; He deserves it. That doesn't mean he's just going to take it, but he does deserve it.

More than that, in a way he owes his life to her. He had been disappointed at the time, when she had refused to kill him. Now he's glad to have his life, and a second chance.

" _Nice._ " Kate snorts.

" _Anyway._ " Billy interjects, "Mom, dad, _brothers_ ," He pauses for a moment to glare at his two little siblings, "This is my friend, Loki. I was going to introduce you once, but Loki bailed before I got the chance." He casts an annoyed look at him, "Loki, this is my family."

Loki waves to them awkwardly, though unable to stop thinking about that word. _Friend_. He doesn't know how to have those.

For once in his life, Loki doesn't know what to do with the attention.

The attention finally turns away from him and people start to talk to each other again. So Loki does the only thing he can think of and crosses the room to the only person who doesn't hate him - and the only person he feels to be an intellectual equal.

"And I thought you said you were going to stay away." David says as Loki approaches.

Loki shrugs. "I was. I didn't plan this - not that you'll believe me, but I didn't."

David squints at Loki, studying him. Loki stares right back. After a moment, David leans back in his seat. "Ok. I believe you."

Loki's eyes widen at that. " _You_ trust _me_?"

"I didn't say anything about trust." David shrugs, but Loki smiles. He doesn't need their trust, they're better off without it. He tells himself he doesn't want it either.

He had always been drawn to David though. Something about people who can see through his bullshit. It's attractive.

"Still not your type though?" He tries.

David's eyebrows raise. "I thought you weren't being serious."

"Maybe I wasn't."

"What?" Tommy interrupts, looking antsy. "What are you talking about? David?"

Loki looks at the boy, sees the way he's tensing up and _-oh. He's jealous._

He feels a ghost of disappointment but it passes quickly. There was less there than there ever was with... well. There was never anything there.

David shoots a look at Loki and Tommy's giving him a look that says "back off." Loki raises his arms in surrender.

"I didn't know you two were a thing. Sorry, sorry."

"We're not a _thing._ " Tommy says through gritted teeth. Loki likes him already.

"Clearly not. I don't know what gave me that idea." Loki says with a smile.

"Hey, Loki!" Noh-Varr says from his spot by the window a few feet away.

"Hey, Noh." Loki says, wondering how long the Kree's spent staring dramatically out the window. "Good to see you. Listening to any good music lately?"

Noh-Varr's eyes light up. "I thought to get into more recent music, and I've been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift recently! Have you heard her new album?"

"I haven't." Loki says.

"He won't stop talking about her." Tommy groans. "It's Teddy's fault."

Loki's eyes drift from the boys, looking around at the party. They linger for a moment on Teddy and move on to Billy who's talking to Kate and the boy he doesn't know. He watches Billy but for a moment when he catches Kate's eyes and she flashes him a knowing smile. Loki quickly turns his attention back to David and Tommy.

"Ever figure out what was going on with the Patri-not thing?" Loki asks, sliding effortlessly back into conversation as if nothing had happened.

David's face darkens. "Well, we got Tommy back, obviously."

"Obviously."

"And we haven't seen that imposter since." David shrugs. "Don't really know much more than that."

Loki chews the inside of his cheek, studying David. He's told enough lies himself to know when he hears one, and David clearly knows more than he's saying.

He looks relieved when Loki doesn't press the issue. Loki doesn't want to worsen an already strained relationship. David is the only person in this room who even remotely understand the trickster and Loki is holding on to that.

Besides, whatever's going on with that whole business? Loki doesn't want any part of it.

"The important thing is you got Tommy back." He winks at Tommy, who narrows his eyes. "That whole thing was weird, even for me."

"It was a bad time for everyone."

"There were good times too." Loki says, a little wistfully. It had been harrowing at times, but Loki missed it sometimes. Maybe not the mayfly dimensions, but everything else?

"Chico."

America's voice startles Loki from his thoughts. He brushes it off and turns to her. He's taller than her and it feels wrong somehow. He remembers being terrified when she towered over him. Of course she had been scarier when he was powerless, but he's still intimidated by her and instintively takes a step back.

"America." He says evenly but with a certain amount of fondness.

  
She crosses her arms and frowns. "I'm surprised you decided to show yourself."

 _So am I._ "I'm unpredictable like that. It adds to my mysterious charm."

Kate comes up behind America, hovering just behind her. "Hey, Loki."

"Hi, Kate."

Loki is interrupted by a dull pain in his arm when America reaches out and punches him in the shoulder, surprising him. It's hard enough to feel, but not to hurt. She could have easily hurt him if she wanted, the punch was... friendly. Loki's eyes widen. He's not sure what to say.

"I got my eyes on you, Chico."

"Good." Loki says, regaining himself. "You wouldn't want to let your guard down around me." He winks.

America rolls her eyes so hard, Loki worries it might hurt her.

Loki ignores her and looks at Kate. "How have you been, Hawkeye?"

"I've been good, things have been good." She shrugs, "Been hanging out with Barton a lot lately. You're not getting any more than that. What about you? You've been helping Billy and Teddy. Why?" There's an accusation there.

Loki means to say something sarcastic in return but what comes out is, "I guess I figured I owe them."

"You're damn right." She says, voice low. She moves in closer so she's standing shoulder to shoulder with America. Loki is taller than both women but he feels small. He nearly takes a step back but he swallows and stands his ground, meeting their threat with the sweetest, fakest smile he can muster.

It lasts only a moment and it's gone just as quickly as it happened. Kate interrupts it when she looks past Loki and waves at the boy he doesn't know, "Eli, come here. Don't be rude."

He wanders over, looking at Loki with a shred of hostility.

"Loki, this is Eli, the real Patriot. Well, he used to be. He was on the original team but he's not doing the whole superhero thing anymore. Eli, this is Loki."

Eli glares at her, "I can introduce myself, Kate."

Loki holds out a hand which Eli does not take, instead glancing down at the extended hand and crossing his arms.

"Loki. The supervillain. The actual supervillain. I know you guys told me about it but, really? Loki?"

"Yes, really." Kate says, "Did you think were lying? That's his thing."

"Well to be fair, I'm not really a super villain anymore." Loki offers. "More like a super anti-hero. I get all the babes and my questionable but lovable personality wins over the hearts of all."

Kate snorts. "More like a super dick."

"Oh, that too." Loki says with a wink.

Kate smacks her palm against her forehead and the sound of skin hitting skin is so loud it turns a few heads. "That is NOT what I meant."

"Well it works."

Eli reaches out his own hand and Loki feels triumphant as he takes it. Eli's handshake is firm, and his hostility seems to have dissipated. "Nice to meet you, I guess."

Kate elbows him. "Eli's an asshole too. You'll get along."

"So you're really not like.. the other Loki?" Eli asks, narrowing his eyes.

It's the last thing Loki wants to talk about and he feels his gut twisting. He swallows and says, "Now that's an interesting question. And the answer is kind of complicated but for simplicity's sake: no, I am not like the other Loki." But I do have those memories, and I remember fighting you.

Eli raises an eyebrow. "Well, that doesn't sound very reassuring."

"I wasn't trying to reassure you, just answering your question."

"Loki's an asshole too." Kate says, and then, "But he's not as bad as he used to be."

"Thanks, Kate." Loki says, pressing a hand to his heart, which is hammering wildly in his chest; he hadn't even noticed. "You're so kind." He jokes, but there's sincerity there.

He... misses this. It's too much. He misses Kate's teasing, America's threats. For all the horrors, travelling with these people had been one of happiest experiences of his technically short life.

He left so he wouldn't hurt them anymore.

"I uh, I'll be back." He says, trying not to rush too quickly to the bathroom down the hall, hoping to avoid attention.

Loki means to lock himself in the bathroom but he takes a few steps further down the hall and finds himself in the bedroom. It's dim and away from the crowd so he takes it.

He leans against the wall the door is on, running his fingers through his hair, pulling at the roots. He slides down the wall until he's sitting with his knees up, wondering what the hell is going on.

Outside, the room had felt like it was spinning. It had made him happy to see these people again, and to meet their friends. That happiness felt like a curse.

"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve them." Loki mutters to himself. "They deserve better than you."

Loki doesn't understand why he's reacting this way. He's not a naturally social person, but he's learned how to thrive in situations like this with his words and wit. It shouldn't be so hard on him, it never had been before.

He focuses on his breathing and within two minutes he's calmed down enough to take in his surroundings. The bedroom is dark, all of the light coming from the street outside or outside the bedroom door.

Their bed is big and properly made with a navy blue comforter; the walls are a lighter shade of blue. Loki's head leans back until he bumps it against the wall behind him.

Then the room is darker, the light flooding from the hallways obscured by a figure.

"Loki?" Comes a soft voice from above.

He looks up to see Teddy standing in the doorway. Loki smiles weakly and gives the boy a little wave. "Hey."

"What are you doing in here?" He asks, "Are you okay?"

Loki pushes up off his feet so he's standing. "Ah, yeah I'm fine. I just... needed some air."

"You could have gone outside if you wanted air."

"Well I didn't think of that."

Teddy reaches out and places a hand gingerly on Loki's arm, "Hey, sorry. I should have known this would be uncomfortabe for you."

"I'm sorry." Loki says suddenly.

"What for?"

"Everything. I'm so sorry. I fucked you all over so bad."

Teddy tilts his head, mulling over what to say. He can't say Loki's not right, after all. "Yeah, you did." He says finally, which earns a chuckle from Loki, "But you fixed it."

Loki snorts. "Some things aren't so easily fixed. Some things can never really be fixed."

"Loki, we know you're sorry. We... I don't know, we like you anyway." He swallows. "Maybe we shouldn't, but we all do. Even America. We were all together for a long time, Loki. Not all of us can easily throw that away." He pauses, "Really, that's what any of us are more angry at you for. Leaving like you did."

Loki shakes his head. "You're really dense, aren't you? If I hadn't left, I would have just done it again. I'd get better at it. I'd hurt you. It's what I do."

"I don't believe that. I think you're better than that."

Loki looks up at Teddy for the first time, meeting his blue eyes. "You don't know me then, clearly."

"Maybe not as well as I could, but we've been through hell together, Loki."

Loki swallows. Teddy's hand on his arm burning into his skin, warm. His face feels warm too, and he's glad it's too dark for Teddy to notice.

His face isn't far from Teddy's. If he moved a few inches, their lips might meet. Teddy's fingers tighten a little around his arm. He rocks on his heels before turning away. "You're way too nice for your own good." He says.

"I've been told." Teddy smiles, "I think it's better than the alternative, anyway."

"No," Loki says so softly, "It's a good thing. Don't change." He looks past Teddy at the light streaming in from the hall.

"Do you want to go back out? I get it if you want to leave."

Loki shakes his head. "Nah, I don't know what was wrong with me earlier. I'll stay if you'll have me."

"Of course we will." Teddy says, and then he wraps both arms around Loki, squeezing him tightly. His arms are big and warm and Loki presses himself against him, but the feeling is lost quickly when Teddy ends the hug. "Sorry I've been kind of cold to you. I'm willing to give you another chance."

Loki can't find any words so he just nods. Teddy places a firm hand on his shoulder and walks with him back out into the living room. They get a few looks - most notably from Kate - but Loki can't deny that he already feels a little more at ease.

"You haven't properly met the Kaplans yet, have you?" Teddy doesn't give Loki much of a choice and steers him over to the sofa where the older couple is sitting. Billy is standing in front of them, talking.

"Oh, Loki." Billy says when he notices them. "These are my parents. Mom, dad, this is uh, Loki."

It would be impossible for Loki not to catch the worried look the two people trade, but they stand up to greet him with an attempt at warmth anyway.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jeff." His dad says, extending a hand which Loki shakes.

"I'm Rebecca." She says, smiling sweetly. Loki admires their forced friendliness and shakes her hand as well.

"It's nice to meet the both of you." He smiles back at them.

Billy shifts uncomfortably. "Loki's actually helped me a lot." He shrugs. "That thing I told you about, we wouldn't have made it without him."

Loki's eyes widen and then his brows furrow and he looks at Billy with curiosity. Clearly he'd never told his parents the role Loki'd had in getting them into trouble in the first place.

Rebecca's smile warms, "We owe you, then, for keeping our Billy safe."

Loki swallows, throat dry. "No, I think I was the one repaying a debt. But you're welcome, the world would surely be a terrible place without your lovely son. I was simply doing the world a favor."

Billy rolls his eyes. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Loki."

"Oh, but flattery gets me everywhere, William." Loki winks.

Rebecca laughs, but her attention is then drawn away by one of the children climbing on the coffee table and shouts from the other one.

"Those are my little shit brothers." Billy says, "I'm not introducing you. I don't need you being a bad influence, they're bad enough as it is."

Loki laughs. "I'm actually good with kids, I'll have you know."

"I don't _want_ to know. You are the last kind of influence any kid needs."

Loki shrugs. "I'm secretly raising an army of mischievous children. Don't tell anyone."

"Sure, it'll be our secret." Billy says, rolling his eyes at Loki before walking away.

* * *

 

The rest of the night is relatively pleasant, he spends most of the time with David and Tommy and has a nice discussion with Kate about some of the nicer places to shop in the city.

He does slip out early, feeling the room grow smaller and smaller around him. They're kind, but he can't shake the guilt, the feeling that he doesn't deserve this, doesn't belong.

He walks home quickly, trying to ignore the kid who has taken to walking beside him, matching his pace.

"Dunno how those people don't hate you." The kid wonders.

"They're nice like that." Loki says through gritted teeth.

Loki spares a sidelong glance at the kid, who looks strangely sad. Loki realizes the kid had never had people like that, people who didn't hate him. Loki had hurt them so badly and they still somehow found it in them to forgive him. The kid had been hated for things he hadn't even done.

It makes Loki feel all the worse, and the next time he looks, the kid is gone.

When he gets home, Loki texts Teddy and apologizes for leaving so early.

The next day, Loki gets a message from the All Mother with a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's commented on this fic! I love reading your comments and hearing what you have to say, and I'd love to hear more! As always, constructive criticism is welcome. :)


	4. four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realize I should probably clarify that Teddy is nineteen and Billy is eighteen in this fic. I'm not entirely sure on their canon ages, but they're definitely not minors in this.
> 
> As a warning, this chapter gets a little bit into Billy's depression. It's not too bad, nothing triggering I don't think, but some people might want to proceed with caution if it's a sore subject.

Billy hates waking up alone.

It's only been a few weeks, but he's already gotten so used to waking up with a warm body beside him.

When he notices the time, he can't blame Teddy for not waiting for him. He groans and rubs his eyes, not wanting to haul himself out of bed but not wanting to fall asleep again either, which would inevitably happen if he didn't get out of bed soon.

His stomach growls loudly, informing him just how hungry he is, and that settles it. He notices the lovely smell coming from the kitchen as further incentive to get is ass out of bed.

He pushes the covers off of himself and slides off the bed and onto his feet. The cold air hits him like a brick and he quickly pulls the comforter off the bed to wrap around himself. He doesn't bother to get dressed and pads down the hallway and into the living room where Teddy is lounging on the couch, feet propped up on the armrest with a Nintendo DS in hand. He's engrossed in what is presumably Pokemon, and Billy remembers with excitement that he doesn't have work today. It seems like it's going to be a day Billy would rather not spend alone.

Billy leans against the wall for a few minutes, watching his boyfriend. The sun is filtering into the room through open curtains, casting its warm light on Teddy's skin. Billy particularly loves the way it lays across his hair, making it shine gold. He smiles and watches Teddy's face, twisted up in concentration.

It's nearly five minutes before Teddy's eyes stray from the screen, finally noticing Billy's figure in the hallway and jumps.

Billy breaks into laughter and Teddy glares at him, "How long have you been standing there?" He demands, flushing, but his lips curl up into a laugh too.

Billy shrugs, "Just a few minutes. You're cute." He smiles and walks across the wood floor to lean of the back of the couch, and presses a quick kiss to Teddy's lips. He runs his fingers through Teddy's hair, which is soft and has been warmed by the sun.

"I made breakfast." Teddy says after the part, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

"Just pancakes with berries." He says, "I made them a while ago but I thought you'd be up earlier so I haven't eaten yet."

"Sorry." Billy says, ducking his head and looking away.

"Hey, hey it's okay." Teddy says, pulling himself upright. He pressed a hand gently against Billy's jaw, angling his head so that he can kiss him again. He pulls away and cards his fingers through Billy's hair. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know yet." Billy says honestly, "Tired, though." There must still be bags under his eyes. It seems like most nights he either gets way too much sleep or way too little. "Or drowsy, I suppose. I overslept again."

Teddy reaches under the blanket that's still wrapped around his boyfriend so that he can rub his shoulder and the back of his neck. Billy leans into the touch. "Sorry, should I have woken you?"

"Maybe that would be good." Billy admits, pressing himself harder into Teddy's hand.

"Alright, I'll remember to do that." Teddy says, giving his neck one last rub before drawing his hand away. Billy groans in protest.

With his DS in hand, Teddy gets up from the sofa and walks into the kitchen. He had been keeping the pancakes in the oven to keep them nice and warm until they were ready to eat. He takes them out, slips his DS into the waistband of his sweats and scoops up a bottle of syrup, a tub of butter, and a can of whipped cream and carries it all out to the dining table by the window. He makes a second trip to grab plates, silverware, and a bowl of strawberries and blueberries.

Billy watches him absently, but finally crosses the room to settle down at the table when Teddy places their plates. The sun by the window is warm enough that Billy feels comfortable shedding the blanket and letting it drape on the chair behind him.

He's aware that his hair is a mess, there are dark bags under his eyes, he probably smells and he's dressed in nothing more than a pair of Captain America boxers, but the great thing is that he doesn't have to care. Maybe he should, but he doesn't leave the house much anymore unless he has plans.

Billy certainly feels better than he did before the nonsense with Mother. A lot better. But there isn't some magical cure, if there was he would have found it, and he's still fighting an uphill battle. Teddy is there fighting with him every step of the way, and there are other people there too. It helps. Even talking to Loki has helped - he hasn't seen the god in weeks but they text on occasion.

He has his ups and downs. He definitely doesn't feel up to being in school right now, it's too much. Teddy himself is only taking two online classes while working.

Billy's just happy that he managed to graduate from high school.

Teddy settles into the seat across from him. "How many do you want?"

"Three is good for now." Billy says, eyeing the stack of pancakes. His stomach feels like it's going to start digesting itself any moment and he's happy Teddy made so many.

Teddy forks three pancakes onto one of the plates and slides it across the table to Billy.

Billy spreads a generous amount of butter and pours way too much syrup onto his plate. Loki had always expressed disgust by how much butter and syrup Billy would put on his pancakes - and waffles too. Considering how much whipped cream Loki put on everything, he had no place to judge. He smiles to himself at the memory.

Across the table from him, Teddy is chewing his own mouthful of pancakes and watching him with curiosity, noticing the small smile.

Billy swallows and asks, "Have you heard from Loki recently?" Funny how much the god has seeped into their life, even when he's not here.

"Not really, aside from a few snapchats." He shrugs, "He said something about something he's doing for the All-Mother, he's been busy I guess. Why?"

"Honestly, I kind of miss him." Billy admits.

He expects the confession to surprise Teddy, not for him to agree so enthusiastically. "Me too. Maybe we should invite him over again? I don't know if he's still busy."

"Yeah... yeah, that might be nice." Billy agrees.

"It's weird, I didn't expect to _like_ him this much." Teddy says, a note of sadness in his voice, "Especially after... everything."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Is it bad that sometimes I just kind of... forget? Who he is and what he's done, not just in the past but to us specifically. But then other times I look at him and I can't think of anything else." Billy frowns, "Sometimes it's easy to forget. I think he's genuinely trying to be better. But, everything he's done..."

Teddy nods, "We've had a lot of good times with him too. He saved us..."

"From himself." Billy finishes.

"From himself." Teddy agrees. "Still, you're right about him trying to be better. I think I could forgive him."

"Yeah... maybe. He's gotta work for it though."

Teddy laughs, "We're probably too nice for our own good."

"Speak for yourself." Billy says. Sometimes he wishes he were as nice as Teddy. He's not as quick to forgive as Teddy is, and that's part of why he's so confused about the way he feels about Loki.

"Maybe we can see if he's free today."

"Ugh, that means I have to get dressed." Billy groans. "And shower."

"Knowing Loki, he wouldn't mind if you didn't bother to do the first thing." Teddy jokes, and when the words are out of his mouth his eyes widen. "Oh my god I can't believe I just said that."

Billy feels himself blush and buries his face in his hands. " _Teddy_." After a moment, he peeks out from the cracks between his fingers and says, "It's fine though, I should probably be doing those things anyway."

"I'll ask, then." Teddy says, typing quickly on his phone. He sets it down and starts eating again until the phone buzzes on the table. He looks at the screen and frowns.

"What did he say?" Billy asks with a mouth full of pancake.

"He can't. He's still busy with... some fort of casino heist?" Teddy's eyes furrow, "I can't tell if he's joking or not."

"Oh."

"He said he'd like a rain check though, so there's that." Teddy shrugs.

"Ok." Billy says, trying to hide his disappointment.

* * *

 Loki looks sadly at the message on her phone, rereading over Teddy's message for the tenth time. It's a tempting offer, and if she wasn't so close to completing her mission, she might take them up on it.

She reassures herself that she'll see them when she's done with the mission.


	5. five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This is a painful chapter for Loki, and nobody's pulling punches. I like it." - [ Norickayer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Norickayer)
> 
> Sorry this took so long! I haven't had many spoons lately, and I had originally had the scenes in this chapter in the opposite order, but I figured this would work better and I needed to rewrite.

"So are you going to tell us why you were gone for so long?" Teddy asks.

"I just had a few billion euros to steal." Loki shrugs. "No big deal. That part didn't take so long, It was the preparation that took time." The great thing about being known as a liar is that he can tell the truth about something like this and a couple of goody-two-shoe superheroes like them probably won't even believe it. Though he doesn't expect they would do much about it even if they did believe him.

"Oh." Teddy says, sitting down on the couch in front of the TV. "Somehow I'm not surprised."

Billy is in the kitchen, cooking something that smells like garlic and absolutely delicious.

Loki shrugs. "That's the short version anyway." He takes a seat on the boys' sofa. "Thanks for inviting me over, by the way. I _can_ give you the long version if you want."

He'd only tracked Lorelei down again a week ago, and been back in New York just a little while longer than that. He hadn't had time to see Billy and Teddy.

He had definitely not been putting off seeing them.

"Later," Teddy says, "I'm sure Billy would be interested to hear it too."

Loki nods, "I'm sure he would."

He searches for something to say, eyes darting around the room. He'd thought about them a lot in the time he'd been gone, probably more than he should have, had had a mental list of puns to torment them with, shitty jokes mentally noted, but now he's drawing a blank. He rarely finds himself with nothing to say.

His eyes land on Billy who is... bent over in the kitchen, reaching to get something from the bottom of the refrigerator and... oh. Loki's eyes linger a little too long, sweeping over the curve of Billy's ass, which is outlined perfectly by the jeans he's wearing.

 _Nice_ , Loki thinks, chewing on his lip.

"Um, Loki? Want to stop staring at my boyfriend's butt?" Shit, Loki had almost forgotten that he was sitting right next to Teddy. There's amusement in his voice and no overt hostility, but Loki can detect an accusation.

 _Fuck_. Loki usually has a little more tact than this. Honestly. He snaps his head away and looks past Teddy, avoiding meeting his eyes.

"Don't take it personally, I look at everyone's butts." Loki says without thinking, "Not that your asses aren't particularly exceptional but... yeah." _Fuck_.

Teddy's eyes widen and Loki still refuses to look directly at him. "Ours?"

"Um, why's Billy cooking anyway?" Loki asks, changing the subject as quickly as possible, "As I recall, that was more your thing."

"Baking." Teddy says, looking over Loki critically. "Baking is my thing. And Billy's trying to learn new things. He's getting pretty good at it."

"Ah, right." Loki says, distracted. Teddy had baked for them a few times on Noh-Varr's ship. Loki recalls his snickerdoodles in particular with utmost fondness.

"You know, I've been doing a lot of cooking lately - baking too, but mostly cooking. It's fun, Midgardians have so much more variety in food than Asgardians do, and there's so much to try! You wouldn't believe how dull Asgardian food gets after a few centuries. They don't even have milkshakes. Maybe next time I can make you two dinner? The two of you have been very kind to me, the least I can do is return the favor. It would be a good opportunity to try something new.."

"So what, we'd be your guinea pigs?"

"Yes, precisely." He smiles, glad that the subject of butts has been dropped for the moment.

"Almost ready." Billy says, entering the room. "How are you, Loki?"

Really, Billy's butt is no more attractive than the rest of him, but Loki tries harder not to stare.

"I'm fine." He says. "So what's for dinner?"

Billy runs a hand through his hair. "It's nothing too fancy, just a pasta dish I found online. Hopefully you'll like it."

"I'm not very picky about food, I'm sure I will." Says Loki, who had just been complaining about food, smiling. "It sure _smells_ good."

"Yeah... it should be about done." Billy says before quickly retreating back into the kitchen.

Teddy and Loki get up to sit at the table and talk while they wait for Billy, who brings out the food a few minutes later. It's a penne pasta dish with garlic and a creamy tomato sauce, as well as a side of broccoli and potatoes. Loki gets up to help Billy fetch some plates and silverware.

"Wow," Loki says, after taking a bite, "This is really good." He smiles, "Thank you." It's not really a lie. It's very simple and clearly made by someone inexperienced, but it _is_ good.

Billy smiles warmly, but doesn't respond.

After they've eaten a little bit in mostly silence, Loki says, "So do you want to hear the story of how I robbed a casino now?"

"You... _robbed_ a casino?" Billy says, "This I have to hear."

Loki spends the next thirty minutes telling them all about finding Lorelei and the casino heist, they interrupt him once in a while with questions but mostly listen intently.

Loki adds a few embellishments, of course, but even the simple truth is enough to capture Billy and Teddy's undivided attention.

"So you're like a billionaire now, then?" Teddy asks when Loki has finished regaling them with the story. He's clearly having a bit of a dilemma over whether to believe Loki or not.

Loki shrugs, "Something like that."

"If you're so rich then why am I making you dinner?"

"I dunno, because you're nice like that?"

Billy frowns a little. "I'm not always nice. I can be mean too."

Loki bites his lip; Billy being mean is totally not a turn on.

"You must be confusing me for Teddy, who is absolutely incapable of mean-ness."

"Not true." Teddy and Loki say at the same time.

"Fair enough." Billy says, "But he has the patience of a saint and even I have only seen him  
angry a handful of times."

"And he's a thousand times scarier when he's angry, I'm guesing?" Loki considers himself lucky that he hasn't been on the receiving end of that. Patience always seems to wear thin around Loki.

On the other hand, he still remembers the pain in his jaw when Billy had hit him. He might not naturally have super-strength, but magically charged blows can be just as painful.

Billy nods, "And a thousand times hotter." He adds.

Teddy hits him playfully.

"I'll bet he is." Loki says.

Billy turns to him slowly and rolls his eyes.

"What?" He asks, raising his hands in defense. It's a wonder how they never seem to get used to his flirting. It's a wonder, but Loki doesn't regret it; he loves still being able to get a reaction out of them  
when they don't opt to just ignore him

Teddy just shakes his head and goes back to eating.

"I'm sorry." Loki says eventually after many minutes of small talk, picking at his pasta. "I know I've said it before but I still don't feel like I've ever properly apologized. I... don't even know where to begin. I was selfish and I hurt you, and I can never make that go away. What I did... I can't tell you how sorry I am." The words come tumbling out and he's choking on them.

They both look at him in silence for a few moments that seem to stretch hours. Loki shifts uncomfortably, hating himself more with each passing moment.

"I hope you don't expect me to say it's okay." Billy says finally, crossing his arms. "I hope you don't expect forgiveness just because you're sorry. 'Oh Loki it's okay, it's totally fine that you ruined my life, as long as you're _sorry._ '"

Loki feels like the wind's been knocked out of him. He swallows. "I don't expect anything, Billy. I... I know what I want but I know I don't deserve it. Please don't forgive me." There he goes, sabatoging himself again.

"That's not your call, is it?"

"You're too nice. Just... don't. I don't deserve it."

"Loki, if I were to forgive you it wouldn't be because 'I'm a nice person like that.' Fuck that. If I'm - if _we're_ forgiving you, it's on our own terms. It's because you've earned it, not because you deserve it."

Loki swallows, "After all I've done to you.. you... you _shouldn't_. You shouldn't forgive me. Please don't, I don't deserve it."

"That's not your decision one way or another." Teddy jumps in, looking at Loki hard. "You don't get to decide what we do or don't do, if we forgive you or don't forgive you. That is our decision to make although you can bet if you don't respect that, we probably won't."

Loki nods, staring at his plate.

"I accept your apology." Billy says, "But that doesn't mean I forgive you. Not yet. I don't know if I ever can. I'd like to get to that point, though."

"I'm willing to give you a chance." Teddy says, "But you have to let us."

Again, Loki nods. "I think I would like that."

* * *

 

Loki doesn't know what to think when Kate invites him out for coffee. Of all the Young Avengers, they have never gotten along very well, though he does have a lot of respect for her. She had never trusted him, and he couldn't blame her.

She's friendly enough when he meets her at the cafe she'd chosen, which is a chain and busier than than the smaller hole in the wall places he prefers. He orders a latte and meets her at a small round table outside where she has already settled down. Tommy is with her, which Loki hadn't expected.

"Good afternoon, Tommy." Loki says, sitting down.

The boy looks restless, but greets Loki back with a little wave. "Hey there, mister God of Mischief."

Loki smiles. Tommy might look identical to Billy, but Loki could never mistake one for the other. Tommy looks like he'd rather be doing anything but sitting still, and Billy can say in the same place for hours.

"So what's this about, Kate?" Loki asks after a long sip from his cup.

"Why does it have to be about anything? It could be just a friendly cup of coffee."

"Hmm, maybe because you don't like me." Loki suggests.

Kate laughs, "Well you don't exactly make it hard."

"Maybe there's a reason for that." Loki says, staring at his coffee cup.

And Kate's smart, so she knows exactly what the reason is. She also knows he's a dirty fucking hypocrite. He knows she knows and he frowns.

She takes a long sip from her cup, keeping her eyes pinned on him. "You've been spending a lot more time with Billy and Teddy recently."

"No not really. I'll have you know before a few days ago I hadn't actually seen them in weeks. Been busy."

She rolls her eyes.

"Besides, I'd been spending more time with _all_ of you."

"One time, at a party."

"That's more than usual." He says with a shrug, taking another drink of coffee. It's not a lie.

She looks at him in silence for a few moments before grinning. "That is actually adorable. You so have a crush."

Loki stares at her, immediately putting up a glamour to hide the blush he can feel spreading over his cheeks. The bluntness of her words had startled him. Tommy _giggles_.

 _A crush._ Loki's watched enough movies to know what that means and... ugh. That would be the right word, wouldn't it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize being... friends with someone meant I had to have ulterior motives." He says dryly.

Kate smiles. "I didn't say anything about _ulterior motives_ , but now I am thinking it."

"So you're here to threaten me?"

Kate laughs, "Slow down there, I'm not threatening. It's not like either of them would ever be interested anyway." _Ouch._

"Wow, thanks."

"Of course, they don't have to be interested for you to be able to hurt them." Kate's look turns into a glare. "So if you're planning anything, you can bet your ass we'll find out, and we'll stop you."

"You haven't done a great job stopping me before." Loki says, then shakes his head. "But it doesn't matter because I'm not. I don't expect anyone to trust me or forgive me, but I'm not going to hurt them, Kate. Not on purpose."

"That's the important bit, isn't it? I don't care if it's on purpose or not. You touch my boys, and I hurt you right back. Capiche?"

"I'm counting on it." Loki says, swallowing.

Kate's look softens, barely, but enough for Loki to pick up on.

"I don't know why anyone would have a crush on Billy." Tommy pipes up.

Loki grins, "Yeah, his face is kinda funny looking, isn't it?"

"Yeah!" Tommy says, laughing, and then stops abruptly, eyes widening in realization. "Oh, hey, fuck you."

Kate laughs, and Loki can tell he won some points with her there. Even Tommy seems amused once his initial offense wears off. Loki hopes he's successfully changed the subject, though he can't stop thinking about what she'd said. Of course neither of them would ever be interested. Why would they be? He's a good liar, but he shouldn't fall for the lies he tells himself so easily.

The conversation turns friendly, though he pays little attention at first lost in his own thoughts as he is. He realizes then that he would much rather prove Kate wrong. He can't just accept that he won't get what he wants. He is so good at getting what he wants, after all.

_His wants have proved a poor master._

Soon enough he jumps back into friendly conversation with the two Avengers, with a newfound determination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say the next chapter will be out quicker than this one but I just don't know. I'll try, but I won't promise anything.  
> I realized I haven't mentioned, but I created a fanmix for this fic a long time ago, before I started publishing it, if anyone's interested it's [here](http://8tracks.com/alyakcim/crawling-back-to-you)
> 
> As always, constructive criticism is welcome, and I appreciate all the comments and kudos you all leave. :)


	6. six.

Teddy is observant; he's noticed the way Loki watches Billy. He noticed a long time ago, though he's only brought attention to it a handful of times. He can't fault the trickster for staring, Billy is nice to look at. Loki's nice to look at too. In a way, Loki's staring was almost cute at first. It isn't creepy or predatory - but maybe it's sad. But now Teddy is catching him staring every time they're together, and while there's a loneliness in his gaze that makes Teddy sad, he's more irritated than anything.

Before, he didn't think that it was important enough to bring up, but maybe it's time he did.

"You should have seen the way Loki was looking at your butt last night." He ventures, trying to sound casual.

Billy turns to him and rolls his eyes, but Teddy doesn't miss the way his cheek redden.

"Well he looks at you a _lot_." Teddy admits. "Not just your butt."

"Oh." Billy chews the inside of his cheek.

"He flirts with you a lot, too." It's true Loki flirts with everyone, and Teddy's not sure if he's imagining that he flirts with Billy more than anyone else. Maybe he's just jealous.

"Well he flirts with you too." Billy shrugs, looking at the ceiling. "I've noticed him watching you sometimes too, when he thinks no one is looking."

"Oh," Teddy says, echoing Billy, "Maybe he's just being a creep."

"Loki's always a creep," Billy snorts, "But I don't think so."

Teddy swallows. He tries to block out some of the things that have happened to them, but sometimes he thinks about the way Loki seemingly deliberately drove him to doubt Billy. He had left because of Loki. And when he was gone, it had been Loki left with Billy.

"Billy did..." Teddy looks down at the floor, then at the wall, anywhere but at his boyfriend. "Did anything happen between you and Loki? While I was gone?"

He can feel Billy's eyes burning into him.

" _What?!_ "

"When I left. When all the stuff with Mother was happening and everything was crazy." He'd never talked much about what Loki told him. He'd voiced his fears, but said little about where they came from.

Maybe it was all a part of Loki's plan? Teddy had never understood what Loki stood to gain from it.

"No! Ugh! Of course not, Teddy, why would you think that?"

"Because he was obviously interested. And you were... upset, I guess. And I left you alone. It would have been easy for him to take advantage of that."

"Teddy." Billy says firmly, "Teddy, look at me."

After a moment of deliberation, Teddy does what he says.

"Okay for one, Loki was in the body of a fucking kid at the time so _ew_. I mean I'll admit, he _is_  pretty hot these days - just an observation - but _gross_. He wasn't then."

Teddy had momentarily forgotten that, and immediately feels stupid for thinking anything could have happened.

"And by the time Loki was in an adult body, we were on our way to save you." He adds, "Loki seemed to be genuinely concerned for you, by the way. And... honestly, I don't think Loki would have tried to take advantage of me like that. Maybe he would have once, but not then. I wouldn't have trusted him enough back then to let him anyway."

"Implying that you do trust him now?"

Billy snorts. "No. Well, maybe a little. He's certainly trying to earn it." Billy sighs, "Anyway, I always got the feeling he was into you, not me."

Teddy looks at him and raises his brow. "You're joking. He's so into you. He totally would have kept staring at your butt if I didn't call him out on it. Not that I _blame_  him."

"Can we not talk about my ass right now?"

"But it's one of my favorite subjects."

Billy ignored him. "So you think Loki has a crush on me?"

"A _crush_." Teddy laughs, "It's funny think about the _Norse god of mischief_ having a crush but, yeah, I guess. That sure is what it looks like. And you think he has one on me?"

They both cross their arms.

"Which one is it then?" 

* * *

 

"It's both of you." Kate says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, slurping her smoothie.

Billy raises an eyebrow and exchanges a look with Teddy.

"Yeah," David adds, "It's kind of obvious."

Noh-Varr nods in agreement. "I wasn't aware it was meant to be a secret. He hardly kept it as such."

"Are you guys just fucking with us?" Billy asks. Teddy groans and buries his face in his scarf.

"We are definitely not fucking with you." Kate snorts, "Are you really that oblivious? I was never concerned about it because I knew nothing would happen."

"Why not?" Teddy asks, not at all defensively.

"Uhh." Kate gives him a look as if he'd just said something completely absurd. "Because you're both taken, and mostly because you both have better taste than that. Or I should _hope_ you do, but then again you _are_ dating each other."

Billy punches her in the arm lightly, she returns it not so lightly.

"It's true, I do have terrible taste." Teddy says, grinning. Billy punches him too, and then slips his hand into Teddy's.

Eli and Tommy groan in unison.

Teddy then goes silent as he mulls over this new information, and Billy too is silent beside him. They both wonder if the other is thinking the same thing.

"Are you two going to do anything about it?" David asks, and Teddy glances at him, noticing the thoughtful look on his face. He smiles; David and Tommy are walking awfully close together for people who "aren't a thing."

Kate and America are less dodgy, but they aren't big on PDA either.

"I... I don't know?" Billy says, and Teddy nods in agreement.

"Maybe we don't have to do anything." He says hesitantly, doubting himself.

"For Kree, it's not uncommon to take on multiple lovers." Noh-Varr offers cheerfully.

"That would be assuming that either of us are even interested in Loki that way." Billy says quickly.

"Would that be assuming too much?" David says. He frames it as a question, but there's a knowing smile on his face. Nothing gets past him, much to the others' irritation.

"I don't know, can we just stop talking about this?" Billy grumbles, ripping his hand away from Teddy's so he can shove both his hands in his pockets, avoiding eye contact with anyone - especially Teddy. 

* * *

 

"We should probably talk about it." Teddy ventures with care and hesitation. He's leaning against the bedroom doorframe, watching Billy who is sitting on the bed and tapping away on his computer, likely doing his best to ignore Teddy.

He continues to ignore Teddy for a few more minutes, but when Teddy doesn't move from his spot by the door, he groans and gives in.

"Fine. Then talk about it."

"Why are you so grumpy about this?"

Billy sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm confused, I guess."

"So am I." Teddy crosses the room and sits down on the bed beside Billy, putting a hand on his back. "Nothing we can't figure out together though, right?"

"Hopefully." Billy murmurs, setting his laptop aside.

Teddy pulls Billy against himself and wraps his arms around him, tucking his head under his chin. He presses a few kisses to the top of his head. "We can figure out anything together, okay?"

"Yeah."

"It's not that big of a deal is it? Why do we have to do anything about it?" Billy asks, looking down, suddenly very interested in the pattern of the comforter.

"It doesn't have to be, and we don't _have_  to do anything. But maybe we should... maybe we _want_ to do something about it?" Teddy says carefully, biting his lip. "Maybe _I_ want to. But I also don't want to do anything without you."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know about you but... I really like Loki. Really, and maybe I shouldn't given all that he's done but I _do_. And he's trying to make up for it, and he's genuinely changed. I don't know. I know all that he's done, all the he's hurt us. But sometimes I look at him and I see a different person than that Loki."

Billy tenses. "I like him too. He's actually... a pretty good friend."

Teddy flushes. "That's not really what I meant."

"Oh."

There are a few moments of awkward silence.

"Well that's okay because that's not really what I meant either." Billy says quickly before burying his face in his hands. "I really like him too."

Teddy smiles, heart hammering. "I always thought he must have feelings for you, just you, So I left it alone. But after what Kate and everyone said..."

Billy snorts, "You really haven't seen the way he looks at you."

"I think he looks at you the same way."

"Ugh, we're both incredibly oblivious, apparently." Billy twists himself so that he can bury his face in Teddy's chest. "So this is weird. What are we going to do?"

"If we both like Loki, and Loki likes both of us..."

"I guess it should be obvious."

"Obvious doesn't make it straightforward or easy."

"Do we trust him? Because I don't want to do anything if we don't trust him."

"I... trust him." Teddy says. "Maybe not completely, but I trust him enough to want to try this."

Billy nods. "I know I was really harsh with him the other day, and I meant everything I said. I don't know if I forgive him, but I think I might. What you said earlier about looking at him and seeing a different person, I know what you mean. I can't ignore or forget what he's done but... He's trying, and I appreciate that."

"Me too."

Billy groans again. "I don't know what I'm doing. I have no experience with this, you're the only person I've ever even dated."

"We'll figure it out. We can start by asking him out on a date?"

"Good idea." Billy smiles, feeling a surge of confidence.

  
In the end, Loki beats them to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, we're finally getting somewhere.
> 
> I've already made a bit of progress on the next chapter so here's hoping it will be here soon! Get ready for a lot of second-hand embarrassment and a _very_ awkward date.


	7. seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is embarrassing.

  
Loki _really_ hadn't been lying about the money.

"This can't be right. There's no way. Even if he has the money - _why?_ We have to have the wrong place."

"This is the place he said in the text." Teddy says, crossing his arms. It's been nearly a week since they've seen Loki, something about a heist keeping him busy for a few days, but the date had been planned for just as long.

They're standing in front of a restaurant that almost doesn't even seem real. Comedically fancy, like something out of a movie, but simple and contemporary. The entryway is two giant, glass doors with gold frames, and marble stairs leading up to them.

"I'm so underdressed." Billy groans. They had both worn nice clothes - unsure if this was meant to be a date and treating it like one regardless - but not nice enough, clearly.

"There's no way this isn't supposed to be a date." Teddy says, shaking his head. Who knows how this kind of thing works in Asgard - but Loki has clearly seen enough movies to completely skew his idea of romance.

They step inside into a dimly lit foyer, and Teddy approaches the hostess at the entrance desk. He tells her that they're meeting Loki, who had reservations, and she informs him that he's already seated. Teddy follows her into the dining room and Billy follows closely behind him, almost hiding.

Loki is seated near the back of the room at a small round table. It's a relatively small room, dimly lit, though surrounded by windows on three sides, so street lights from outside pour in. They're just by Columbus Circle, so even though it's night, there's plenty of light outside.

Nearly the whole room is white: the walls, the tablecloths; the seats are an off-white grey color and heavily padded. They look comfortable and Billy can't wait to sink into one and hide.

"This is too much." Billy groans under his breath. He feels so out of place. Loki didn't seem serious about pursuing anything romantic with them before so why is he suddenly doing this? Billy kind of hates him for it already.

Teddy places a firm, comforting hand on the small of Billy's back. He's nervous too, but he's keeping it together a little better than Billy is. They follow the hostess to the table and sit down as she leaves them.

"Hey." Loki greets.

"Um, hey Loki." Billy says, nearly jumping when Teddy pats his thigh in reassurance.

There's a short awkward silence.

"Sorry, is this too much?" Loki finally asks.

Billy swallows, "Well I certainly feel underdressed."

"You look great." Loki says with sincerity. Billy looks over Loki, whose hair is combed neatly and he's wearing a very nice dress shirt. Loki almost always puts care into his appearance and he looks good in everything, but Billy has never seen him this dressed up and he's not sure if he likes it or hates it. It's definitely pretentious as fuck.

"Very fancy." Teddy says, "It's almost romantic." Billy has to stifle a laugh at the look of surprise on Loki's face.

He fumbles for words for a moment before deadpanning, "Well you two lovebirds should love it then."

"Hardly my idea of romantic." Billy comments, "Romantic to me is more like curling up and eating ice cream and watching movies together."

"Duly noted." Loki mutters, before changing the subject. "Oh, would you like some wine?" He asks, picking up a small wine menu that had been placed before him earlier.

"We... can't?"

Loki sighs dramatically. "Yes you can. Come on, you've seen me do this trick before, it's called _magic_. He waves his fingers and two fake IDs appear in them. "Only if you want, of course."

"Fuck _yes_ , I want." Billy says quickly, prompting laughter from the other two. He hopes alcohol might take the edge off and ease his anxiety.

"Yeah, I'm fine with it too." Teddy agrees. Neither of them have ever been interested enough to acquire fake IDs, especially now that Kate's twenty-one. Even before then, she always made it so getting alcohol wasn't a huge problem - oh the conveniences of having a friend who's filthy rich.

"Alright, I hope you don't mind if I pick?" Loki asks. "I hardly expect either of you to know much about wines."

He doesn't seem to intend to insult them, but Teddy can't help rolling his eyes.

Not that Loki's wrong. "We don't mind."

"Yeah, whatever you want." Billy says, picking up the menu. He'll just be happy to have anything with alcohol.

"This isn't one of those fancy restaurants that gives you tiny plates that will leave me still hungry afterwards is it?" Billy asks.

Loki laughs. "No, no I hate those places." He opens his mouth to continue but stops when a waitress approaches the table.

"Good evening." She says with a smile, "Is this your first time dining here?"

"I've been here once." Loki says, smiling at her, "But my friends here haven't, if you could explain the menu."

"We have three courses. The menu includes the items for each course, and you'll choose them all at once. If you have any questions about any items on the menu, I would be happy to answer them." She explains with a smile.

"Thank you." Loki says, winking at her. She blushes and looks away, leaving to give them time to look over the menu.

Billy watches her leave, confused. He was under the impression that Loki had meant this to be a date. So why is Loki flirting with the waitress?

He sighs and looks at the menu. It's overwhelming, but he makes a mental note of each dish for each course and repeats them over and over in his head so he won't embarrass himself and forget.

This is going to be a long night.

* * *

  
Billy makes it to the second course. He's almost halfway through his roasted wild hake when he spills the wine. He hasn't had _that_ much to drink. _Really._ He knocks the glass over just as the waitress stops by to ask how everything is going.

It seems like everything is moving in slow motion as the wine glass tilts, red wine splashing over the edges, hitting the pure white tablecloth, followed by the glass which hits the table with a thud, pouring red over white and splashing over the edge and onto the waitress. The glass rolls and falls to the floor. It's carpeted, so the glass doesn't shatter and that's about the only thing that doesn't suck.

"Oh no. Oh god." Billy can feel everyone in the restaurant turn their gazes to the table. He wants to sink into the floor. "I am _so sorry_." He apologizes to the waitress. "I'm so sorry."

She assures him that it's alright, and each time he apologizes again.

"Well, at least you're wearing black." Loki says to her, trying to ease the tension.

Billy just wants to disappear, though he tries his hardest not to because accidentally casting a spell in the middle of the restaurant would be even more traumatic. The waitress leaves to clean herself off and to get someone to help her change the tablecloth.

"Ahh," Loki says a little on edge, "Well we can order more wine to go with the next course anyway."

"No!" Billy says quickly, and a little too loudly. He quickly lowers his voice. "No. I don't want more wine I don't want more food I don't want to be here anymore I just want to go."

"It was an accident, Billy, it's okay." Loki says, clearly a little irritated. "I highly doubt you're the first person to do that."

"Shut _up_ , Loki. I just want to go."

"Billy, you're overreacting."

" _Loki._ " Teddy warns, glaring at the trickster, placing a hand on Billy's shoulder.

Loki glowers. "If you really want to leave, that's fine. I need to stay so I can pay." He's trying to make them feel bad about leaving. It doesn't work.

Teddy shakes his head and helps Billy get up.

"I'm sorry." Loki says. Billy doesn't want to look at him. He looks down instead and lets Teddy lead him out of the restaurant. He knows people are probably watching, he heads Teddy apologize to a waiter as they pass. He doesn't look up until they are outside in the crisp night air.

"You okay?"

Billy nods. Teddy turns around to sweep Billy up in a hug.

"I expected that to go a lot better." Billy groans.

"Loki probably did too."

"And then he flirted with the waitress more than us and acted like a total ass." Billy grumbles, "Maybe we were wrong about him."

"I don't know why he'd take us to such a ridiculous, expensive place unless he wanted in our pants." Teddy says, "I think he just has no clue what he's doing."

"Ugh, well he royally fucked that up."

"Do we want to wait for him?"

Billy sighs. "Yes. I don't want to just ditch him."

"I guess if we want a uh... relationship, we're going to have to do all the work."

"I guess so."

Loki comes out a few minutes later to find them sitting on the steps outside, Billy leaning against Teddy.

They hear his sound of disgust before anything.

Billy rolls his eyes and gets up, Teddy soon following.

"What the fuck was that?"

Loki crosses his arms. "It was me trying to do something nice for you. I thought you would like it."

"Maybe if you had told us?! We kind of assumed it was a casual night out, and it turns out you take us to a ridiculous fancy, uptight restaurant?" Teddy raises his voice, fingers tightening around Billy's hand. "It's not that we don't appreciate the gesture, but throwing money at us isn't going to get you anywhere."

Loki sighs. "You're right, I'm sorry." He leans against the stair railing. "I fucked up. I thought it would be fun. Clearly, I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things."

"It might have been fun if you warned us." Billy believes him when he says he's sorry, but Loki still sounds more irritated than anything. He looks sad. Always sad. Loki can pull off the most manipulative puppy dog look when he wants to, but Billy finds it more effective when Loki doesn't even know he's doing it.

He sighs. "It's not too late. Tonight doesn't have to be a total disaster. We haven't had dessert yet, after all."

Loki smiles. "I'd be happy to buy you both dessert."

"How much money have you already spent tonight?" Teddy asks.

"Nothing I don't mind spending on you." Loki shrugs. "Don't worry about it."

"Oh, I wasn't." Teddy says. "Look, there's this nice little bakery not too far from here. My mom and I used to go there a lot. I could... take us there."

"Yes, that would be nice." Loki says, smiling.

Billy smiles, ready to put the awful time in the restaurant behind him. "I love that place. Doesn't it close soon?"

Teddy glances at the time on his phone. "Oh.. yeah. If we hurry we can get some dessert to go and eat outside."

"I love eating out... side." Loki deadpans.

Billy groans. If Loki's trying to make them feel better about this date, he's doing a terrible job of it.

"...Sorry."

"No you're not." Teddy says.

"You're right."

"Come on, let's get going before it's too late." Teddy says, walking down the stairs with Billy in tow. Loki follows them close behind, much like a third wheel.

Billy sighs. He's still irritated, and he's been angry at Loki all night, but this was supposed to be a date wasn't it? Loki isn't the only one doing a terrible job of it. He nudges Teddy and they share a look, Billy's eyes flickering in Loki's direction. Teddy seems to get what he's saying and nods, letting go of Billy's hand.

"Thanks for the thought anyway, Loki." Billy says, "Even if you didn't seem to put much actual thought into it." He and Teddy allow enough distance between the two of them to let Loki catch up and walk in between them. He looks a little relieved.

"Billy, you're really a master of insulting people while thanking them."

"I learned it from the best." Billy says, shoving into him.

"It's not too far." Teddy says, trading another look with Billy. Billy smiles and nods and after a moment, lets his hand casually brush against Loki's. Teddy does the same thing on Loki's other side.

Billy watches him from the corner of his eyes, mouth curling up into a smug smile when he notices Loki's eyes widen. Teddy's the first to actually slip his hand into Loki's, though Billy follows just after.

Loki's skin is cool to the touch, and softer than Billy would have expected. Billy glances and Teddy a few times for support. This is weird. Not bad, definitely not bad. But Billy has no idea what he's doing.

Loki's fingers twitch around Billy's. He closed his fingers and opens them again, staring straight ahead and holding his breath before he finally lets it out all at once and looks from one boy to another.

He lets out a nervous laugh and says, "What's this?"

"I thought this was a date?" Teddy asks.

"Ah... I thought I fucked up any chance of this being that."

"You sure came close." Billy grumbles.

Loki smiles and looks down, but doesn't say anything. After another moment, his fingers finally close around Billy's.

A few minutes pass in comfortable silence as they walk, not slowly but not rushed either. Teddy is sure they have enough time to make it to the bakery before it closes.

Loki can't be kept quiet for long, soon he's talking up a storm. "Netflix is one of the best things about Midgard, honestly."

"What have you been binge-watching this time?" Teddy asks.

"Doctor Who. Really, it probably should have been one of the first things I watched but I was never as interested in it as other things -"

" _How far are you?_ " Billy demands, pulling at Loki's arm.

"Uhh, little ways into the Tenth Doctor. I haven't watched the original series yet, but I was planning on it."

"Oh my god, you need to. Oh maybe we can watch it together! It's been a long time since I rewatched it..."

"Billy used to be obsessed with it." Teddy shakes his head, "It's back. Look at what you've done, Loki."

"Which Doctor is your favorite?"

"I told you, I'm only on ten."

"But that's still two to choose from."

Loki sighs, "So far, I liked Nine better."

"Good, me too. Ten is great though. I haven't been watching recently. Like, over a year. I should get caught up..."

"Loki, why?"

"You like Doctor Who too, Teddy."

"Yeah but I don't own a sonic screwdriver."

"You're not one of those Superwholocks are you?" Loki asks, grimacing.

"Why would you ever accuse me of such a thing?"

"Just needed to make sure."

"Have you been playing any games?" Teddy asks, letting go of Loki's hand so that he can open the door to the bakery.

"A bit." Loki says. "My computer doesn't run them well - I should probably get a better one - so I've just been playing stuff on my Xbox."

Billy groans. Teddy doesn't care about PlayStation vs Xbox bullshit; he prefers Nintendo anyway.

"I got a few multiplayer games that I've played with Thor - he really likes Call Of Duty. Not something I'd normally play much, but he likes it and it's fun."

Billy laughs. That's an image.

"I need some recs, honestly. It's not as easy as just picking a show on Netflix and going for it."

"Mass Effect." Teddy says at the same time Billy says "Dragon Age."

"Both is good." Billy offers.

Teddy nods his agreement. Billy lets go of Loki's hand as the shuffle into the bakery, letting the door close behind them.

Teddy glances at the time again. The walk had taken about fifteen minutes and the bakery was closing in five; the lady behind the counter didn't seem thrilled that there were customers coming in so late. Billy can sympathize, so he approaches quickly to look at the selection of desserts.

"My mom used to bring me here whenever she could." Teddy says again, "She loved the carrot cake."

The shop is small, the walls painted a soft shade of green. There is a collection of small wooden tables in the dining area. Blue paint is starting to chip off of the chairs. It's a well-loved place. Billy has only been here a handful of times, but during the day it has a very homey feel.

"We can get them to go and eat them at the park." Teddy says. Central Park is essentially just across the street. "Sorry we're here so late." He says to the employee.

She shakes her head and smiles. "It's no problem."

Billy's stomach growls, not full enough after dinner had been cut short. He orders the chocolate decadence. Teddy hesitates before asking for the carrot cake.

Loki takes a little bit longer to decide, and Billy has to kick him a few times because the woman is starting to look a little impatient, and he's pretty sure the bakery is technically closed by now.

Eventually, Loki settles on the tiramisu, which he has never tried before. Espresso and custard seem like a lovely combination.

They're rung up and Loki pays, leaving a few dollars for a tip in a jar by the register, for having made her wait.

Loki asks for some forks and they leave the store with Loki carrying the box of treats. They cross a few streets and settle onto some grass just a small ways inside Central Park, close enough to a street light.

Loki opens the box and hands out everyone's dessert.

"Thanks."

They sit for a few moments in silence as Loki passes them forks and they start eating.

The silence is broken by a low moaning noise from Loki - there's no way he's not making it sound intentionally sexual. They both turn to look at him. He's taken the first bite of tiramisu and his eyes are closed. He chews slowly, mouth turned up in a smile.

"Oh my god." He says after swallowing. "What the fuck is this? It's magic, it must be! This is the most incredible thing I have ever put into my mouth."

"Have you put a lot of things into your mouth?" Billy asks, entirely aware of how immature he is.

"Yes." Loki says after stuffing another forkful into his mouth, "So many things." He winks.

Loki ends up finishing long before Billy and Teddy, and looks sadly at the empty box, chewing on his fork while the other two finish their own.

"That was so good." Loki sighs. "And I can't go get another one." He looks thoughtful for a moment. "Well I could break in. I could just... leave the money on the counter... hmm."

"Loki, no. Don't do that."

"Fine. I need to find a recipe."

"I can probably make some." Teddy says.

Loki beams. "You'd do that?"

"I haven't made it before but.. yeah. It would be good to try." Teddy's voice softens as he speaks, looking right at Loki. They're facing each other, and sitting awfully close. Billy flushes, hand reaching out to grab at Loki's just as Teddy leans closer.

And then Teddy's hands are on Loki's face and he's pressing their lips together and Billy watches. Loki grabs at Teddy's jacket with the hand that's not holding Billy's, pulling him closer. There's something desperate in the way he moves.

Billy is surprised that he isn't jealous. Maybe it's the alcohol, but he couldn't be further from jealous, really. His heart is hammering just watching them, the boy he loves kissing... the boy he likes? He doesn't know what this is, exactly, but he likes it.

The kiss lasts longer than he expected, too, for being so sudden. But after a minute, Teddy is finally pulling away, blush tingeing his cheeks. He licks his lips and looks at Billy, as if he's suddenly aware that that might not have been okay.

Billy answers the silent question by grabbing a fistful of Loki's shirt and crashing his lips into his. Loki returns the kiss forcefully at first, but then in a moment he's pushing back against him, forcing Billy to let go.

"What.. what is it?" Billy asks, heart sinking.  
Loki stares at him for a moment, then stares past him. Billy turns to look behind him but there's no one there.

"Loki?" He asks, facing him again.

Loki looks at Billy, and then at Teddy. "What are you doing?"

"Well we talked about it and - "

"No! Clearly you _weren't_  thinking!" Loki nearly shouts. "What are you doing with me? Trusting me? Letting me back into your lives, are you fucking kidding me? You have no sense of self preservation, do you?" He shakes his head and gets on his feet. "You do realize I'm just going to hurt you again? Billy, you almost killed yourself because of me! Teddy, you're mom - Mother, I - that was all my fault. You know that. How can you forgive the person who made you fight a monster with the face of your mother? I'm - I'm just going to use you again. You're a means to an end.  Do you have any idea of what I'm capable of?"

Billy's mouth opens and closes, his throat feels dry. "Loki -"

"Shut up." Loki snaps. "I can't do this to people who are stupid enough to trust me. I... can't."

"Loki, don't you _dare. Don't you dare leave again._ "

"No." Loki shakes his head, "I shouldn't have come back at all. This time, if you're lucky you'll never see me again."

And then he leaves. He doesn't run, but he doesn't quite walk either. Teddy moves to get up and go after him but Billy's hand shoots out to stop him.

"Let him go." He says. And they watch him until he's gone. He doesn't look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a long time because it's long and I did like, actual research and stuff.
> 
> Sorry to end it like this. Well, no not really. If it's not clear, this takes place after Loki: Agent of Asgard issue 5. So Loki's dealing with some... stuff.
> 
> The next chapter finally introduces Verity. So be excited because Verity is perfect and wonderful. :)


	8. eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gave me a lot more trouble than it should have, sorry it took so long. Thanks to [phoenixyfriend](http://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixyfriend//) for helping me figure some things out.
> 
> This is also the first chapter that warrants a trigger warning. It's pretty minor, but suicide is discussed, just within the first scene. If you want to avoid that, you can skip to the second scene and you should be good.

Loki can't sleep. When she tries, all she sees is her rotten past or her rotten future. It's her second night without sleep and she has a date tomorrow and she just can't keep trying. She hasn't even seen Verity since the job.

The kid has been mostly quiet, but he's there. He's sitting on the floor watching her. He's sad, too.

Loki's not sad, really. She's angry. She's angry at her mother, at herself: all of her selves.

The poor kid, though. In life, this had been his greatest fear. Loki's glad he didn't live to have it happen to him.

Not glad, maybe. Loki's not glad that he didn't live, and sometimes she thinks she'd rather be the one dead. If they had switched places, she wouldn't have to fight so hard, she'd just be gone. It wouldn't be her problem.

Loki's thought about killing herself before. It was her first thought after getting home that night. The future couldn't happen if she wasn't alive to let it.

The thought had quickly been replaced with determination. She'd be damned if she lets that future happen - literally, and she's not going down without a fight. She's done terrible things to get to where she is. The kid had died for this. She isn't going to let it all be for nothing.

That's what the god of lies tells herself, anyway.

 

* * *

Teddy’s hands steady him and for a moment, and Loki almost forgets what it’s like to be scared.

It's only when he hears a voice that his eyes shoot open and he pushes Billy away.

"What are you doing, _Loki_?" The kid asks, saying his name like it's poison in his mouth. He's leaning against a tree just behind Billy. "Are you seriously going to do this to them? You have to know you're just going to use them again - after all, the only reason you keep Verity around is because you _can't_ manipulate her so easily."

Loki doesn't notice the way Billy looks around. He just looks at the kid and frowns.

"You can't do this to them, Loki. Not with what you've learned. When you become _him_ , they'll be the first you destroy." This he doesn't say with any particular venom. It's sad, still sad.

 _I thought you were finally leaving me alone._ Loki thinks.

But he's right. Loki knows it.

If Loki really cares about Billy and Teddy, the only thing to do is let them go. Loki can't bear the thought of hurting them again, each time worse than the last.

He imagines King Loki being the one to kiss them and it makes him sick.

He looks at Billy, at Teddy. "What are you doing?"

"Well we were thinking about it and - "

"No! Clearly you _weren't_ thinking!" Loki nearly shouts. "What are you doing with me? Trusting me? Letting me back into your lives, are you fucking kidding me? You have no sense of self preservation, do you?" He shakes his head, scooting back on the grass before climbing to his feet. "You do realize I'm just going to hurt you again? Billy, you almost killed yourself because of me! Teddy, you're mom - Mother, I - that was all my fault. You know that. How can you forgive the person who made you fight a monster with the face of your mother? I'm - I'm just going to use you again. You're a means to an end. Do you have any idea what I'm capable of?"

He's not lying, not really. Loki doesn't know how to not use people. The kid is right, the only reason he trusts himself with Verity is that he can't manipulate her so easily. 

"Loki -"

Oh gods, he wants them.

"Shut up." Loki snaps. "I can't do this to people who are stupid enough to trust me. I... can't."

"Loki, don't you _dare. Don't you dare leave again_."

"No." Loki shakes his head, "This time, if you're lucky you'll never see me again."

He turns around and walks away as quickly as he can without running, the cool night air burning his skin. He presses his fingers to his lips, Billy and Teddy still lingering there.

The kid hangs back for a moment before he runs to catch up with him. He doesn't understand why a hallucination would have to run and rolls hos eyes.

"I'm not a hallucination." He says.

"I don't care what you are."

"Good because I don't know what that is."

Loki glances at the kid. "I wouldn't have hurt them."

"Do you really believe that? Not even on accident?"

Loki swallows. "No. I don't."

* * *

Loki hasn't even been home for long when he hears the knock at the door. He knows who it is before he opens the door.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" She says before he's even finished opening the door. "I told you I didn't want to be part of a break-in. I didn't want to be used like that. If you'd told me the whole truth I would have said no - so you told me just enough that I filled in the gaps. Like an idiot." She yells, marching into his apartment.

"Uh." He says, closing the door behind her.

"Congratulations, Loki. You finally managed to lie to me."

Loki feels like his heart is breaking all over again. At least the kid isn't here.

"Verity -"

"Don't."

 

"Don't what?"

"Don't make excuses, Loki."

"I wasn't going to."

"That's bullshit.

"Verity, I'm _sorry_." That's not a lie. She crosses her arms and looks at him, waiting for an explanation.

"It was, important to me, what I had to do. But I shouldn't have used you. I don't want to have to use you. I'm so sorry. I'm not used to having friends, and I don't know how to be a good one. But I want to be. I'm trying. I'm trying, and I don't know if it's enough, but I want to be better."

Her look softens.

"Verity, please, I... you're important to me. I know I fucked up. I'm sorry. I don't deserve you, but I want to. I don't have many people left." He looks down. "I don't want to manipulate you or guilt trip you or anything. I just want you."

"Want me?"

"Not like that, that came out wrong. I mean, not that that's off the table if it's something you're interested in, but you're my _friend_. And I just want you in my life."

"Yeah, I'm not interested in that. With anyone." Verity laughs, "But I _am_  interested in being your friend."

"Good." Loki says with a smile, stepping forward to take her hands in his. "Because you're the best friend I've ever had. I don't want to lose you."

"Okay, okay. You don't need to get all emotional on me." Verity says, but there's a smile on her face. She lets go of his hands and reaches forward to pull him into a tight hug. "Just don't ever do that to me again, Loki."

"I won't." He says, "I'll be better."

Verity doesn't stay long, but she almost helps him forget the lingering feeling on his lips.

Almost.

* * *

 

Thor finds Loki the next day in his favorite diner. Brooding, of course. Loki thinks he's earned his right to brood.

Sometimes, Thor has a way of lifting Loki's spirits though. Makes him feel less alone. He's driven away Billy and Teddy, and the other Young Avengers. Who does he have in the world but Verity and Thor? Even his own mother betrayed him.

The same woman, of course, who had blackmailed his better self in order to force him into dangerous situations. _For the good of Asgard,_ of course. Loki laughs internally. He shouldn't have been surprised.

He will always have Thor, at least. "Always" being as long as he is able to keep lying about who he really is. Thor doesn't love him, Thor loves a ghost. Thor loves a lie.  
But he loves Thor. Fuck, does he love Thor. His big, stupid oaf of a brother. What had it been like to hate him? Loki doesn't remember, and he doesn't want to remember.

He clings to his lie like a lifeline.

Thor brings news of a sister and a tenth realm, and Loki jumps at the chance to finally do something with his brother. What a wonderful distraction from the garbage that's become of his life.

Of course, Thor would fuck it up. Pretending to betray her brother yet again wasn't really how Loki had imagined the adventure going - although really, she shouldn't have expected anything else. She likes Angela, though. She understands Angela, in a way. Angela is a lot like Thor in a lot of ways too - and Loki already loves her for it, but Loki sees herself in her sister. She hopes that they can become close in time.

The ride home isn't as long as it seems, but it gives her time to think about what she had left on Midgard. Once again, she finds her mind wandering to the ghost of lips against hers and presses a finger to her lips.

"Something troubles you, sister?" Thor asks.

Loki's lips curl up in a slight smile at the word _sister_. 

"It's... nothing, Thor. Just some problems I left on Midgard." She says, leaning against the side of the chariot.

Thor places a gentle hand on Loki's shoulder. "Anything I can help with?"

Loki has to laugh at the idea of Thor helping her out with her love life. "No, Thor, I don't think so. Ah... thank you, though."

Loki _had_ briefly considered telling Thor about the other thing that's troubling her, but the thought had left as quickly as it'd come. Thor is... well, Thor is Thor. And Thor wants to see the best in Loki even if it's not there, but Loki still doesn't trust him to see her the same way if he knew.

This is something Loki has to bear alone.

* * *

 

Loki doesn't get their texts anymore.

Billy had only sent a few angry texts the day after the date, but Teddy had sent a few, even while Loki had been away with Thor.

"I don't regret the kiss." One says, "Please respond, don't do this again." They get angrier. "You are so fucking selfish. You don't get to do this to people."

He never responds, just scrolls through them until they stop, stares at them. They will be so much better off without him. He never should have crawled back into their lives.

And there's the one from Kate that just says "Fuck you." And the one that says, "David gave me your number. You're an asshole." That Loki can only assume is from Tommy.

Those are the kind of great people that Billy and Teddy deserve in their lives.

Sometimes he tries to delete their contact information. His finger hovers over the delete option, but he never presses it. More selfishness.

So instead he just reads over them, again and again.

"What do you keep looking at?" Verity asks suddenly, causing Loki to drop his phone on his face. She laughs at him. His head is in her lap, they're both relaxing on his couch. They aren't doing anything, really. Theirs is a relationship where they can just kind of exist together for a while.

"Nothing." Loki says, as if _anyone_ would believe that.

She crosses her arms. He sits up. "Texts."

She sighs. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Loki frowns. "Don't pull that "you don't have to tell me" shit it's so manipulative, I'm rubbing off on you."

Verity snorts. "Just because you use it to manipulate other people doesn't mean everyone else does. _I'm_ just being honest. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I don't have to like it when you hide things from me."

Loki sighs. "Boys."

"Boys?"

"Yes, boys. Like in high school in the movies or whatever I am a teenage girl and I am having problems with boys.

"There's nothing wrong with teenage girls."

"I know there's not. Girls are the best." Loki sighs. "I _was_ having boy trouble. I shouldn't be anymore, it's over."

Verity pulls her knees up to her chest and turns to look at him with interest. "And who are these boys?"

Loki groans. "I told you before uh, the Asgardia thing that I had a date afterwards, right?"

Verity nods, "You mentioned it but we were a little busy so I didn't pry."

"I told you about the group I spent some time with for a while too. Well Billy and Teddy were with them. I... I hurt them a lot. I'm sure you'll forgive me if I don't want to go into it, but they gave me a second chance..."

And so he tells her the whole story. Well, not the _whole_  story, but he starts from meeting them in the cafe. He leaves out the bits about his hallucinations and his future, careful not to fill in the holes with lies. He tells her the rest. How happy being with them made them, how much they deserved better.

"You're an idiot." Verity says when he finishes. "I don't really understand the appeal of romance, but I'm reasonably sure I could be better at it than you."

Loki scowls. "It doesn't matter because they deserve better than me anyway."

"Maybe they do, maybe they don't but that's besides the point. They made you happy, clearly. You made them happy. For fuck's sake Loki, it's not up to you to decide that for other people. And you can't just throw money at people and hope they'll like you for it." She rubs her temples.

The god pouts. "Verity, you were supposed to be supportive."

"If being supportive means letting you run around ruining your own life and fuck everything up, then I guess I'm a terrible friend."

Loki sighs and curls up on the couch. "I don't like this."

Verity pats his head. "You're in love."

He nearly jumps. "What? Why would you think that? I liked them a lot but... no. No, I don't..."

Verity raises an eyebrow. "You can't lie to me, Loki."

"I'm not! I'm not in love. I mean, they're great. Really, really great. But there are other people. People whose lives I haven't fucked over. Look, maybe they do want me in their life, but it doesn't matter. They deserve better. For once in my life I'm trying not to be selfish, what's so wrong with that?"

"That's not it. You think you're doing this for them but you're wrong. You're doing it because you feel guilty, you're running away, and that's about you. Not them."  
Loki frowns. "Hey, let's go get food, okay? Yeah, come on." He climbs off the sofa and holds a hand out to help her up. "Let's just get out."

Verity sighs and shakes her head, but takes his hand.

 

Later that night, Verity sits on her bed, looking at her phone's contact list. Loki had given her Thor's number in case of emergency. She sighs and calls it.

He answers with a nondescript grunting sound and she can tell he's fumbling with the phone on the other end.

"Uh, Thor? It's Verity. I'm worried about Loki. There's something I want to do, but I need your help."

* * *

 

"What do you even need at a book store?"

"Books."

"You can't read fiction."

"I _can_ read fiction I just don't enjoy it. And bookstores sell things other than fiction, you know."

"I just imagined that most creative nonfiction would also be full of lies."

"Sure, and that's why I don't usually read those either. Some are good, but I'm picky. This store has a pretty good collection of text books and research that I like to browse when I get some extra cash. It's pretty much one of my only forms of entertainment. I do like poetry books once in a while, too. I thought you might like to tag along with me for once, and I know you like books."

"I _love_ books." Loki says with a grin, "But hold up - _poetry?_ You like poetry? That doesn't seem like your thing."

"Why not? What does someone who enjoys poetry look like? It's a way to use words creatively and beautifully but without lying. Not all poetry is the truth of course, but a lot of it is. It's just a different way to communicate the truth. I like it."

"Fair enough." Loki says, "Well, you have to let me buy you some books."

Verity sighs. "I can buy things for myself once in a while, you know."

"I know you can, and I'm sure you do that plenty when I'm not with you. I don't mind spending money on you."

Verity gives a little laugh. "I know you don't. But maybe _I_ do. You can't just... keep spending money on people and expect that to do all the work in your relationships."

Loki frowns and doesn't say anything for a while as they walk.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hit a nerve."

"You didn't, it's fine."

She doesn't call him on the lie.

They arrive at the Strand Bookstore a few minutes later and Verity leads him inside.

Loki's impressed. There are a lot of books and while he's been many places with far more books, he can already tell this is sizable for a Midgardian place open to the public. And a store rather than a library, no less.

He grins, looking around at the books and towering shelves.

He wanders in, leaving Verity behind. He loses her for a few minutes as he explores the shelves. There are multiple levels and he soon finds himself lost before eventually finding himself in the comic book section.

Verity manages to find him quickly enough.

"Verity, I might spend a while here." He laughs.

"Oh, I'm sure you will." She smiles, touching his hand quickly before drawing away. "That's fine, I spend plenty of time here myself. I'll be looking at the textbooks if you need me."

"I know you don't want me to buy you anything, but if you get greedy, the offer still stands. I won't even make fun of you for changing your mind."

"You're lying about the second part but I'll consider it." She says, watching him for a moment before turning and leaving.

Loki spends about ten minutes sitting on the floor, rifling through the books. There are so many and he doesn't even know where to start with them.

He's so engrossed in filtering through them that he doesn't notice he's not alone until a voice beside him says, "I'd recommend this one. Espionage, empowered women, lies, it's right up your alley."

Loki nearly jumps and takes the comic that's being held out in front of him but he doesn't even look at it. He lowers it and looks beside him at the person kneeling beside him.

He's met with gorgeous brown eyes on a familiar face. His instinct is to reach out and brush the hair out of his face but instead he scrambles backwards.

"Billy? What are you doing here?" He accuses, pushing himself to his feet. Billy stands too.

"Trying to get some answers."

Loki shakes his head and turns around, but Teddy is there, blocking the other side of aisle.

"Hey." Teddy says with a sad smile.

Loki runs his fingers through his hair. "Verity did this, didn't she?"

Billy nods. "Thor, too."

"Your friend said she thought you deserved a second chance. I... I agree, but we know you don't." Teddy says. "Please, just talk to us."

"No." Loki says, closing his eyes. "No, I can't. You don't understand."

"Loki." Teddy says, placing a hand on Loki's shoulder. "You _can_ you just _won't_. We deserve better than you just pushing us away, don't we?"

Loki swallows, curling his fingers up into a fist. His instincts tell him to pull away from Teddy, but he finds himself leaning into his touch, craving it.

"Okay." He says finally. "We can talk."


	9. nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I haven't not been in a good way in a while and writing was coming hard. The next chapter, which is essentially an epilogue, should be up this weekend as it's already almost finished.
> 
> Thanks to [phoenixyfriend](http://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixyfriend/pseuds/phoenixyfriend) for helping me beta this one.

"Okay. We can talk." Loki says, a lump in his throat. "But can we do it somewhere else?" He glances around, there are only two other people in the aisle but the shop is a bit busy and it's making him nervous.

"Yeah, good idea." Billy says, "There are a few little nooks around the store where we could go to talk."

Loki just nods, still left a little speechless from being caught off guard. He starts to follow them out of the aisle when he remembers Verity.

"Oh, damn I need to talk to Verity first, can you guys hold on?"

"She already knows."

"I... wait, what?"

Neither of them clarify but it hits Loki what they mean. "Oh, Verity." He sighs, "Oh my sweet, meddling friend." He shakes his head and wishes that she hadn't. He's honestly a bit irritated that she would make this decision for him this way.

He can't be completely angry though, and he's touched that she would do all this for him, that she remembered what he told her and tried to help. He's unfamiliar with having a friend that would do something like this for him.

"She seemed very worried about you." Teddy says, "She thought we should hear you out and give you a second chance."

Loki snorts. "Well at least someone thinks so." He doesn't want them to hear him out. He doesn't want them to give him yet another chance.

Except he _does_. He does, he wants it so bad and he hates himself for it. He can't stop thinking about the way their lips felt on his, and how badly he wants to feel that again. He follows them in silence.

When they pull him out of his thoughts they've found a secluded little corner of the store with little traffic from other patrons. It's half cut off by a book shelf and there are a few leather seats situated across from one another.

Billy and Teddy sit down but Loki doesn't. He shifts nervously on his feet, avoiding eye contact.

"Well?" Billy prompts after a few moments, a little impatiently.

Loki sighs. "Look, Verity's the one who set this up, not me. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you. I don't know what I _can_  say to you. Shall I just make up excuses like I always do?"

Billy groans. "So are you telling me we came here and you don't even want to talk to us or explain anything?"

Loki turns away. "Like I said, I wasn't the one who asked you to come."

"So what, you aren't going to talk? I kinda think you owe us an explanation." Billy says, starting to raise his voice. "You can't just come on back into our lives after everything that's happened, be our friend, take us on a date and then just pull that shit you pulled that night! You don't get to make us want you in our lives and just waltz the fuck out _again_!"

He lowers his voice when Teddy pats his leg gently, reminding him that they're in public. "It's not fair, Loki." He says, quieter.

Something about that just breaks Loki's heart. He still finds it hard to believe just how much they actually want him back. He looks at his feet. Billy's right too, of course. But when has Loki ever been fair to either of them?

"You're better off without me."

"You still don't get to make that call."

Loki takes a deep breath. He does owe them a bit of honesty. "I meant everything I said that night." That earns him a glare from Billy. "I just wanted to protect you, I wanted to drive you away so I wouldn't hurt you again. But everything I said was true. I'll just hurt you again, I'll hurt you again and again and oh gods I don't want to, I want you both so badly." The words start spilling out of his mouth and he shakes, "But I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you. You are both so _good_ so so good and you deserve so much better than me."

And then Teddy is on his feet and Loki is being dragged against his chest, encased in his arms. He doesn't do anything, simply allows Teddy to hold him. He closes his eyes, letting the feeling wash over him. He feels safe, secure, and rests his head against Teddy's chest.

"You're scared." Teddy says, finally. "You're scared of hurting us, so you ran away."

Loki swallows and closes his eyes, pressing his face into Teddy's shoulder.

"It's okay to be scared, but you don't have to push us away. We know who you are, we know what you've done. Do you think we'd want to be with you if we didn't trust you?So maybe we'd be taking a risk, but we understand that and that's our decision to make."

Teddy was right, Verity was right. Loki wasn't thinking about them, he had been thinking about himself and how _he_ would feel if he hurt them. He hadn't stopped  to think about what they wanted.

Loki wants to stay in Teddy's arms forever, but Teddy eventually draws away. Loki resists the urge to whine and pull him back.

"You don't have to be alone, Loki. You don't have to protect us."

Loki looks at Billy, who's standing now too. His look has softened from the anger it held before. He reaches out and takes Loki's hand and Loki eagerly twines his fingers with Billy's.

"Loki, what we deserve is better than you just shutting us out. We want you too. We had just realized that when you ran away _again_ and _that's_ what hurt us. I'm willing to risk being hurt for you. _We're_ willing to risk it. That's what you do when you care about someone. There's always a risk of being hurt or heartbroken. Maybe it's not entirely the same thing, but we want it anyway. It's not fair for you to decide for us, what's best for us. You're scared and I understand that but I also understand that it's easier when you're not alone."

Loki is speechless, he's overwhelmed.

"No one ever fell in love without being a little bit brave." Teddy says. Billy shoves him.

"I'm sorry." Loki says, "For everything." He's starting to have trouble imagining being without them. He wants to feel their lips on his again, he wants to feel safe in Teddy's arms. He wants everything.

He can't see this ending well. He knows his future and he knows what will become of him, and he knows it will devastate them.

But he can't bring himself to push them away again. They deserve better.

So instead he moves forward to wrap his arms around Billy, burying his face in his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Billy hugs him back tightly, and Loki feels Teddy wrap his around the two of them. Loki is smushed firmly in between two cute boys. Two very cute boys who by all rights are way too good for him, but who want him anyway. And that's kind of incredible.

He closes his eyes and loses himself in their touch.

"Are you going to give me another chance?" He asks, eventually, voice muffled by Billy's shoulder.

Billy nods, running his fingers through Loki's hair. "I think we can do that. We can start over."

"I don't deserve it."

"Doesn't matter. The past is in the past. That's the point of starting over."

Loki doesn't know how to tell them how much it means that they aren't telling him that what he's done is okay. He desperately doesn't want them to deny who he is, what he's done to them. He couldn't bear it if they did.

He pulls back and kisses Billy hard on the mouth. Desperately, hungrily. He pulls gently on his hair and pulls Billy close against him, angling his head down so that their lips can meet. Billy doesn't pull away, doesn't push away. He grips Loki tighter and kisses him right back.

Behind him, Teddy's hands are on Loki's hips, fingers digging in gently. Loki breaks away from Billy, not bothering to catch his breath before he turns around and leans up to kiss Teddy, practically jumping on him. Teddy kisses him back eagerly, hands on Loki's hips.

Loki sighs happily when they've drawn away, sinking back onto one of the chairs.

"Well." He says eventually, "I liked that. We should do that more often. Maybe with more tongue."

Billy rolls his eyes. "You have to earn that. Baby steps."

"Then I will do whatever it takes."

Billy and Teddy laugh.

"I see where your priorities are."

"Good." Loki grins. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of him, falling back so easily into banter with the two of them. This could work.

He would have to thank Verity after all.

"Verity said if things went well, we could have you to ourselves for the rest of the day." Teddy says, holding out a hand to help Loki up. "So, maybe we can go out for coffee or something and talk some more."

Loki's heart feels a bit like it's going to beat out of his chest and he can't remember the last time he felt this hopeful. Maybe everything will work out.

"I think I'd like that." Loki says, taking Teddy's hand.


	10. epilogue.

Billy and Teddy arrive at Loki's apartment in the afternoon. The building is nice, a highrise in a lovely neighbourhood. Loki's apartment is on on of the higher floors. They're both excited to finally see it, after having invited Loki over so often it was about time Loki returned the favor.

Loki answers the door almost immediately after Teddy knocks on it and excitedly invites them in.

The inside of the apartment is even nicer than the outside suggested, which really should have been expected. This is Loki, after all, who was rather used to a life of luxury.

It's rather tidy. There's a large TV on one wall with a collection of video games and an Xbox on a table underneath it, and a couch facing it on the other end of the room. There's a hallway across the living room, and a open door leading to the kitchen.

There are a lot of plants, especially for what can be allowed in a relatively small space with limited sunlight. There are planters in the windows and a few on surfaces around the room and on the floor. It's almost difficult to see out of the window. Loki had clearly been taking a lot of care of them.

"Hello." Loki says cheerfully, grinning and shutting the door behind them.

Teddy surprises him by leaning down and giving him a soft kiss, letting his fingers linger for a moment on his chin. "Hey."

Loki flushes and looks away. "Well, I don't ever want to get used to that." He turns to look expectantly at Billy.

Billy rolls his eyes but leans in and kisses Loki too.

Loki looks rather pleased with himself and guides them into the apartment, motioning for them to sit down.

Teddy sinks down into the cushions and they're so soft he's pretty sure he could stay there forever.

"Yeah, that's why I sleep there more often than my bed." Loki says, noticing Teddy's reaction to the couch.

Billy stretches out next to Teddy, leaning against him.

Loki grins, happy to see that Billy and Teddy are already making themselves at home. "Dinner should be done soonish."

"Oh, what are you making us?" Billy asks.

"Trying out a new recipe on you, and it's a surprise." Loki says with a wink, disappearing into the kitchen.

* * *

 

Hours later, the three of them are sprawled over Loki's couch; Teddy is acting as a kind of communal pillow, with Billy and Loki on either side, laying against him. Teddy's fingers are brushing their way through Loki's hair and massaging his scalp and Loki's practically purring. He can't remember the last time he was this content, or that time someone was so affectionate with him. He could get used to this.

After dinner, they had started off their night together by playing Mario Kart. Loki doesn't have any Nintendo systems of his own, but Billy had magicked his own up. Loki had played it only a few times before, with the other Young Avengers during their travels and once at Billy and Teddy's apartment.

It ended up being a test, of sorts. Loki cheated, but so did Billy and Teddy. There had been no less than three threats to break up and Billy, the only one without any superhuman durability, had aquired at least as many bruises. Teddy won the most games, and they had made it through with minimal bodily harm, though Loki's ego may not have survived.

They took it as a sign that their relationship would last. If it could survive Rainbow Road, it could survive anything.

When they had had enough of that, they had found a particular bad looking horror movie on Netflix.

One bad horror movie turned into four bad horror movies and three AM. Billy's falling asleep and Loki's just drowsy. All in all, this date has gone far better than the last.

"That was absolutely incredible." Loki laughs as the credits being to roll.

Teddy yawns loudly and Loki cranes his neck back to look at him.

"It is getting late, and I think Billy's asleep." He says.

"M'not." Billy mumbles.

"Are you going to be going then?" Loki asks, not hiding his disappointment.

"We probably should."

"It's late, it's not very safe to walk around at night, is it?"

Teddy laughs. "Are you trying to get us to sleep here, Loki? I think we're used to New York City at night."

"Maybe I am." Loki's grin is audible as he wriggles against Teddy's side. "I'm executing my ingeneous plan to seduce you."

"Ah, I don't know if that's a good idea just yet."

Loki rolls his eyes. "Maybe I wasn't being serious." He would rather have loved seducing them tonight, but he doesn't mind that they seem to not be quite ready for that yet. "You're welcome to stay, though. I don't expect anything from you and I can sleep on the couch if you'd prefer that. Just no sex on my bed without me."

"I can just teleport us home." Billy says sleepily. "But we appreciate the offer." He pulls himself up so he's sitting upright. "We really should head home."

"Alright, alright." Loki relents. "I'd offer to walk you home but -"

"Magic." Billy says, waving his fingers.

Loki smiles. "Yeah, that."

"I'm just gonna use your bathroom real quick before I go." Teddy says, gently pushing the other two off of himself and getting to his feet.

"Thanks for having us over." Billy says after Teddy's disappeared down the hallway, stretching out his arms.

"I owed you dinner, remember?"

"Yeah, just, this is the first time you've let us in." Billy pulls himself to his feet. "To your apartment, I mean."

Loki smiles softly at him and stands.

Billy reaches out and grabs his hand. "Just don't leave again. Please."

Loki falters before squeezing his hand. He bites his lip, looking sadly at his boyfriend. "I'll do my best, Billy. And I... I won't disappear again, okay? Not without saying goodbye."

"I guess that's something. It just hurt a lot when you left, more than I ever expected it to. I don't want to go through that again." He leans forward, resting against Loki. For a moment, Loki doesn't know what to do. Then he lets go of Billy's hand so he can snake his arms around his waist.

Billy's a lot shorter than him, by nearly a foot, so Loki's easily able to tuck his head under his chin and hold him. Billy fits perfectly against him.

"I'm sorry, Billy. I don't want to hurt you like that again, and I don't want to leave you."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise that I don't want to leave you."

"That's not... that's not what I meant."

Loki sighs, resting his cheek against Billy's head. "I promise I won't leave you again." He says, even though he can promise no such thing. It can't hurt to make Billy feel better right now.

Billy's fingers sink into Loki's shirt and the two of them stay like that until Teddy returns.

"Oh, did I miss a moment?"

Billy draws away from Loki first, taking a step back. "Yeah, you totally missed out."

"Billy started crying, it was all very embarrassing." Loki says, Billy shoves him.

"I'm sad I missed it." Teddy says, "Do I get a hug?" He holds his arms out.

"Absolutely." Loki eagerly presses himself against Teddy, who wraps his arms tight around him. The hug lasts a few moments and when Teddy draws away he leans down to kiss Loki tenderly.

Loki smiles into the kiss and when they're done he kisses Billy good night too.

It _was_ a good night. One of the first Loki has had in a while. He hopes that there will be more like it.

"We'll see you again soon." Teddy says, before Billy casts the spell that takes them away.

When the blue glow of magic has faded, Loki notices the kid sitting on the table by the TV, watching. He doesn't say anything, he looks directly at Loki and shakes his head.

Loki watches him back for a moment before walking past him and shutting off the television. He ignores the kid, determinded not to let him ruin his happiness. He walks towards the hallway and his bedroom, waiting for the snide comment that doesn't come.

For once, he feels tired enough to try to fall asleep in his bed. He had cleaned his room as well as the rest of the apartment, and while it wasn't perfect, at least he had moved the pile of clothes off of the bed. Preparation for the possibility of getting Billy and Teddy into bed.

He doesn't mind going to bed alone for once, though. The large bed doesn't seem as empty and sad as usual, and when he slips underneath the covers, sleep finds him quickly and without nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Writing this has been an interesting experience. There have been a lot of long fics I've wanted in my life, but this is the first I ever have. I loved it, and I love all my readers and followers and people who have stuck with me through this. Thank you so much to everyone who went through this with me and read this fic and left kudos and likes. I appreciate you all so much.
> 
> This was initially intended to be a short kind of prequel to a longer series, and it ended up being much longer than I anticipated. There is absolutely more to come, though I can't promise when the next major fic will come. My mental health has been on the decline and I hope it won't affect my ability to produce this series too badly. I do have a handful of small fics planned though, and those should be posted soonish and before the next major installment.
> 
> I'm not done with these three dorks. :)


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